Week Four - Mackenzie and Love at 14.

I worked with Mackenzie for a week last year as well, and it was one of my favourites.
Mackenzie is a beautiful 14 year old girl with the fastest motorized wheelchair ever! This year she was an LIT (Leader in Training) on the Specialty side of camp. Thanks to everyone on "The Other Side" for welcoming me so warmly and helping with lifting and tolieting! It made a difference in my week and I was glad to make some new friends :).

Mack made great friends with everyone in her group, two girls in particular. It was so sweet to watch them hold hands with her as she motored and they walked to various places at camp.

She fell in love, too. With Jesse, the part preppy, part emo, part skater, entirely hunky 14 year old who wore the toque and stole her heart. She'd never dare to talk to him though! She'd just sit and stare at him across the field, across the table, or across the circle. And smile the whole time, haha. Out of her 5 days at camp, I think we talked about Jesse for 4.75 of them. She'd follow him or be in his general area alllllllllllll the time. We practiced what she could say to him. Maybe just "hey Jesse. How's your placement going?". But that seemed a monstrous task for her. But by Friday, she had got enough courage to say hello, and they shared emails. I thought she was going to soil her pants!

On Thursday we slept over night. Haha, interesting that I said "sleep", because none of that was really had. I guess I forgot what it was like to be a young teenager at a sleep out. So much silliness and flirting and "Oh, I'm gonna to freeze your underwear/ I'm gonna put your hand in warm water/ I'm gonna scare you in the middle of the night/ and so on". We had a camp fire with smores and beat the thunder and lightening back to our tents (lucky me! I got to stay in the helping hands office all by my self! it was wonderful :). But we were constantly on the prowl for campers leaving their tents or smoking or doing whatever things we didn't know but were on the lookout for. Mack requires my assistance for toileting, and I was required at 4:30 and 6 to do so. It was worth staying over and not sleeping, though. Mack laughed the entire time, and never stopped smiling. She shared at tent with her friends and had the time of her life. How could anyone say no to that?

Morning is beautiful at Chippewa. The fog on the lake and the sunrise were breath taking. Morning has a particular smell to it. Sweet, fresh, optimistic, new. I was so glad to experience that. It made me thankful.

The LIT's led flag pole Friday morning, and did a fantastic job of it! For all their stress and reasons to shake your head any other time, they really make up for it in other ways.

Mackenzie had ended the last day of her second week at camp, which meant she was done at Chippewa for another year. She said goodbye to her new friends, and to the counsellors, and then came to give me a hug. I reminded her to email Jesse and she said she would. But then as we were ending our hug, she pulled away with tears in her eyes and suddenly started crying quite hard. It was so hard to see and to not cry myself. I believe it was a good thing, though, because she was sad to be leaving camp. It meant she enjoyed her time here, and that it had a positive impact on her living. Still, Friday's at camp can be really hard when you've got to say goodbye for another year :-(.

Next week: CAMERON!

Be Still

http://zenhabits.net/2009/07/be-still/

Week Three - Wilson

I did ask for the challenge. Still, I didn't expect to be bitten as early as 9:20 on Monday morning.

This week I worked with Wilson, the 8 year old boy with BLUEST, most striking eyes I have ever seen! Together we perfected two kinds of dives: the "Regular Dive", which involved just lunging forward, and the "Super Big Dive", which is identified with a steeple action made with your arms and hands clasped over your head (really, these were just belly flops into the swimming area). We painted approximately 20 rocks over the course of 5 days, in addition to 12 paintings on paper. We pushed the jogger approximately 20k over the course of the week as well! We spoke mainly in sign language, because even though Wilson understood spoken word, (sending a pruned/shriveled child home from camp is frowned upon at the YMCA). So when I added various PCS (Picture Communication Symbols) to his daily schedule each day, he'd look at it, shake his head, sign "NO!" rip it off, throw it at me, possibly throw a rock at me, or else kick me/grab my hair/scratch me/ bite me. It was a highly physical week with all the self-defence and NVCI (Non-Violent Crisis Intervention) usage, but I learned SO much MORE about working with children who have autism.

On Monday morning, I was bit on a camp inappropriate upper half location (it's a lovely shade of purple at the moment :). But the day smoothed out as it progressed and we were able to use the red canoe, push the wheel chair (he LOVED to push the jogger/terra trek {essentially our efficient movers for immobile campers}, in particular the green one!), and eventually got swimming.

Tuesday however was drastically different. Challenging from start to end. Our canoe tipped on a trip to the Specialty side of the camp, as another 1:1 counselor was getting in with her own camper in the front, Wilson in front of me on the floor, and myself in the back seat. Scared at first, Wil thought it was fantastic and that this would be our swim time. I signed "No, Wilson. We can't swim here because it isn't safe. Lets go back to the camp swimming." "NO!" - cue ensuing tantrum and associated scratching, hitting, and then my NVCI restraint. Eventually we did get back and ready for our own swimming time, but naturally getting out and dressed to go home was another struggle.

Wednesday was the worst. Almost an entire day of physical restraint, and towards the end a 5 person team with me. Wilson was tired (he had been at camp the week prior as well) and missing his mom. Maybe it would be wise to take a break from camp tomorrow...

Thursday was a lot better. He had a very good night of sleep the night before, and he would only be coming for the morning hours. We swam for 2.5 hours in the glorious sun and had a blast!

Friday was my favourite day. We swam in the rain all morning, pretended to be seagulls, traveled in the green jogger, played "sick", watched the cars come and go on the camp path, finger talked about the ambulance that had been there on Wednesday, finger talked about when we fell out of the red canoe and how our shirts, shoes, and pants all got wet and how we had to swim to shore and our shoes made a "slop slop slop" sound. We had a birthday party for Nathaniel, and Wilson imitated Nathaniel sneezing the candles out (we made a pretend cake out of legos and a pretend candle which we took turns sneezing to blow out). We pretended to drive the golf cart to the drive in, where we "watched" Finding Nemo and had popcorn and chocolate milk. I love that little boy so much!

Wilson enlightened me on what I am capable of, and taught me new skills too. I perfected the concept of task analysis (ask if you want to know what that is), and got to practice my NVCI techniques. He opened my eyes to the kinds of sensitivities some children have and what I am capable of doing myself in order to help them. He taught me that all kids essentially want the same things, exceptionality or no exceptionality (I think that is to swim all day and not ever eat lunch or a snack or to do anything else). He taught me that I have a whole lot more patience than I may have once believed, and he showed me that I love what I do. Because even though he took out his frustrations on me in a pretty aggressive manner, I never stopped believing in him and his potential. I didn't really realize this until I got home this afternoon.

He had a devilish smile and the most beautiful eyes on anyone I've ever seen. I will miss him very much <3 .


(next week: Mackenzie!)

Week Two - Come On Eileen

Lorena came to camp this week. And much to my suprise, she didn't get cheesed by all the walking! She loved the canoe, she tried archery, she went in the water, she did the crafts... Man, I was proud of her. She's coming back in August, and I cannot wait.

Cameron was also at camp this week. Cam is 15 and about 6'3". He knows the dialogue (verbatim!) from a variety of shows, including Yo Gaba Gaba, Bert and Ernie shorts, various movies, and books as well. We often sing or act out particular classic Sesame Street clips (like the one with the pinball machine. Refresh your memory here! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgocE-JfWFI).

Cameron LOVES to sing! So when I was on a break on Monday and he happened to be near by with Colin (his HH counselor this week), I asked if he wanted to sing with me. Cameron has an exceptional memory. He will know not only all the words, but the tempo, instrumentation, beat and every exact aspect of the song. I have no idea where he got the idea for this song from, but I was so glad this is what came out of his brain....

"Hey Cameron, let's sing a song. Wuddya think?"
"Yeah" (he whispers this)
"Ok, what shall it be?"
He looks at me, what seems like through me. He's thinking. He starts moving his right hand, as if writing out the lyrics to the song he's decided upon. Then he starts a beat by hitting his hand on his thigh....
And in an impressive falsetto for a 15yr old very tall boy, he starts to sing:
"Poor old Jonny Ray, sounded sad upon the radio, he moved a million hearts in mono.....".

COME ON EILEEN! I LOVE THIS SONG.

What resulted was the Cameron and Christine Show, where we accumulated quite the audience for our camp version of Come On Eileen "by Dexies Midnight Runners, from 80's #1 hits, CD 2". It was my favourite moment of the week. Next to our rendition of On Top of Spaghetti in the canoe with Lorena and Colin.



This picture is of is Colin, Cameron and myself under the main pavilion. He made our names and wanted a picture (in case anyone was wondering who was in the picture). I love it.


Next week I will be working with Wilson. He is non-verbal autistic, which means I'll get to use some sign language. It's going to be a challenging week, though, simply for the reason of his non-verbalness (Katherine and I tag teamed him at one point so he would go to the washroom, and being at the arms end, my hair got in his grip and almost left a very sexy bald spot (not really, haha. i did get to use my nvci training though!). I'm looking forward to Wilson and welcome any challenges :).

But I Did

I was finally getting over you. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all. Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to I will.
(stupid)
There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. If It Comes Back It's Yours,
If Not, It Wasn't Meant To Be.
Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.
Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic can sometimes just be an illusion.
The worst thing a guy can do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall.
Did I do all that I could?
(anyway, now i can't sleep. thanks)

----------------
Now playing: Dave Matthews - Stay or Leave
via FoxyTunes

Comfort Cuts - Subjectively Speaking - Version Christine.Pastrak

Music has some power over us as human beings. Certain pieces of music can enlighten our senses,and not just our auditory sense, but, I believe, also our visual and taste senses, in addition to our kinesthetic sense and our sense of balance. A certain piece of music can strongly affect our emotions, positively or negatively. When listening to certain classical pieces, a concerto for example, where there are three distinct movements of fast-slow-fast tempo, we can come to feel a variety of emotions within one single work. Even still, certain instruments can elicit unique thoughts or feelings from us, or even inspire us in some brilliant way.

Music can take us to different places, too. Sometimes to places we have loved very much and might do anything to return to. Other times the music can take us to places less desirable, yet remaining as an important part of our lives. Personally speaking, no matter how much I think about it, I cannot identify a single song I do not have some nostalgic connection to. Try it yourself....

I was listening to CBC Radio One last evening (I LOVE CBC Radio One!). I'm not sure what the show was because I do not normally listen to that program on Sunday nights. But last night I decided on radio for my bubble bath, and happened upon this program. Also, I tuned in with just a half hour or so left in the show, and didn't catch the title off the top of the hour. But I did catch the subject of the show... They were talking about music, specifically music that brought some kind of comfort. A totally, completely, 100% subjective topic, but it intrigued me very much. I became complete enthralled in what the selections were of the hosts and callers-in and people who e-mailed.

So what defines a "comfort cut"? As I said, it is a concept with very subjective guidelines. Some may select instrumentation as the defining criteria, others lyrics. Even more may say that a song which is comforting to them is one without lyrics whatsoever. Does one define music as comforting based on the singer's voice? Or on the nostalgia attached to it? Maybe it's just the overall warmness or the feeling of safety we are filled with that defines a comfort cut. Perhaps most of all, the static existence of the songs we identify as comforting is what pulls us in. In a world of constant change and turbulence these songs stay the same. We can count of them. At any rate, I found myself considering my own criteria and subsequent list.

My "criteria" for a comfort cut is very schizophrenic-esque. What does that mean? I have no idea. What I mean, I think, is that my taste is sometimes here sometimes there. I find comfort in classical music, specifically that of impressionist composer Claude Debussy. A bit of background: impressionist music (in the early 20th century following the Romantic era, and correlated with the impressionist movement in visual arts) serves the purpose of creating an entire world around the listener as the music unravels. The music creates a profound visual, even without the assistance of actual visual demonstrations. Debussy was considered a pioneer in impressionist composing because he was one of two (the other being Ravel [you've likely heard Ravel's "Caravan" before if you've ever seen any movie where animals are walking on to an arch by two's]) who embraced the movement and produced some of the best pieces of this era. So many of Debussy's pieces create an entirely new world for me, to which I can escape my current realm of worry or business and just exist in its fictional eden (although the concept of "fictional" may be a blog of it's own, because my feeling is that we're escaping to places we already know and find comfort in themselves. My mental imagery (aka musical imagery) in terms of this music is typically Muskoka at dawn/dusk), but it has also happened that certain pieces conjure up images I've never experienced in real life before.

Sarah Brightman's music is HUGELY comforting to me (Sarah Brightman is the pioneer of the "popra" genre [i.e. a fugue of classical/opera and pop music. She was also the original Christine in Phantom of the Opera. She's also my idol). Her voice, her presence, her art each capture all of my being when I listen. At the same time, I learned of her music during at time in my life that wasn't the greatest. To be sure, it just plain sucked. And I find it interesting that I am still in mad love some of the songs I had on repeat during that sad and difficult time. Is it a masochistic thing? Could be. Maybe sometimes, despite knowing how terrible things were and how ridiculous I was, I still want to go back? Perhaps. Regardless, the time was beyond significant for me, and although the sands have sprinkled passed and the recovery road has smoothed out since then, I turn to Sarah's music to keep me safe. Maybe that's what it is... I felt safe with the music then, and wish to remain safe now.

The music of other classical composers also tends to warm me. Handel's "Sarabande", Beethoven's "Eroica Symphony", Vivaldi's "Four Season's" and "Devils Trill Sonata" all do it for me. The music of Dvorjak is also spectacularly comforting, in particular his "New World Symphony" (even more in particular the 4th movement)). My classical comfort zone seems to be infinite at times, but that isn't where my comfort cuts begin and end....

Acoustic music is also comforting to me. The music of the Dave Matthews Band is number one. It's Dave's voice, the sentiment and attachment I have to his music and the words he so eloquently takes from my head and expresses. It's the richness in the sound and quality of his music. And the overwhelming romanticism he portrays in his work is incomparably stunning. His voice is safe to me. His words inspiring. His vision of the world beautiful. But DMB is just one (albeit very large) facet of the acoustic pull. There is a large repertoire of acoustic music on both my laptop and desktop computers by artists both largely successful and some of whom are simply friends of mine. Acoustic music + Christine = love.

And then I thought I'd actually attempt to list all the music I identify as a comfort cut. I find the task a great challenge because it is a list which is constantly evolving as new music eventually becomes "old" (read safe/comforting), and as I mature and evolve in my own skin. It includes all of what I have mentioned above and much more. And if you've actually read this, to the end, I'm sure you're begging for it to be done. So I'll end it. But if you've got any comfort cuts of your own, please share them along with your rationale :).

[on a side note: today a camper and i delivered the most inspirational, fantastic, amazing, bewildering rendition of Come On Ileen at camp. i've said it before and i'll say it now... i have the BEST job of life. i cannot imagine being anywhere else!].

Camp, Week 1 - Austin

"When I grow up, I'd like to be an anaconda so that I can eat a person alive. Even though sometimes snakes can be starving proof. And even though I like the Spitting Cobra better".

Summer has begun and, with it, another 10 weeks of camp.

As a Helping Hands Counselor (meaning a 1:1 special needs worker who aims to integrate their camper with exceptional needs into regular camp programming.... [which can be really challenging at times!]), I do not have the same child each week. Helping Hands campers can only come for a maximum of 2 weeks, and it isn't often that HH counselors have the same camper for both weeks (unless they're parents request you or you had tremendous success with the camper in the past).

This week I had Austin. The smartest 6 year old I've ever met, and many 6 year old's have crossed my path! Austin can spell at a grade 5 level (including words such as "probability", which he was very excited to spell for me when I called his home on Sunday evening). He can count by 2's, 3's, 5's, and even 10's. He knows up to his 10x's tables, and is an encyclopedia on the topic of snakes, sharks, whales, and dragons ("Dragons are not real you know Christine. They're only make believe, but I can convince people that I'm a real one sometimes". Oh my! You will have to show me that sometime! Just don't bite my head off... I can't drive home without a head. And plus, if you swallow my hair you could get a hairball.) Austin can run backwards, sideways, and do the Macarena. He can do a somersault into the little kids' pool, and is the BEST at Yahtzee! He is also most untrickable! (Hey Austin! Did I ever tell you about the time I was best friends with a great white shark named Flounder who was ticklish on his tummy, and one day we had a tickel fight? "Nooo waaaaay, I don't believe you! It's just impossible!"). Austin is also the first little person under the age of 8 who can say my name... correctly with the "r" and all (most kids have difficulty with the "R" and resort to calling me "Kissteen", which melts me every time). Among other challenges, Austin has autism.

[Autism is a neurological disorder with impairments in three key areas: social interaction (cannot read other peoples' body language, identify influxes in voice, among other challenges), communication (i.e. verbal or nonverbalness), and behaviour (e.g. often rock back and forth while sitting, finger flap, or walk on their toes, among other things). The incidences of autism have spiked dramatically in the last several years, to approximately 1 in 150 in Canada (reasons for this spike are still under examination, however among them are included the fact that the very definition of autism has been expanding to include more and more criteria, and as a result more and more children are identified with autistic characteristics. That's a long discussion to have though....). Autism presents in a 1:5 Boys:Girls ratio, but despite this gender difference, remains an equal opportunity disorder (caring not about race, ethnicity, and so on). Autism is a spectrum of disorders. The umbrella is PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). On the far left of the umbrella we have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), where 50% of the individuals are verbal and 50% are non-verbal (non-verbal people with autism use a variety of alternative communicative methods, including picture communication symbols (PCS), among others). Towards the middle of the PDD umbrella exists Childhood Disintegrative Disorder (CDD), Rhett's (only in females), Asperger's Syndrome (AS: a form of autism where the invidual is HIGHLY knowledgeable in a particular interest, and is HIGHLY socially impaired, but is 100% verbal). Finally, on the far right of the PDD umbrella exists Autism PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified. This means that the individual manifests characteristics of autism in ways that do not classify them into any one specific area of the PDD spectrum, however it is undeniable that they should exist on the spectrum in some way). I know enough about autism to fill an entire year's worth of blogs, but for now I think this small introduction serves well enough to inform my reader of the nature of the disorder. Hopefully it hasn't bored anyone (*snoooorreee*).]

I loved Austin from the moment I spoke to him on the phone last Sunday evening. Part of my job is to call the home of my camper each week to ensure the things I have read in their profile are still accurate, and to see about any specific desires from the parents. Normally I just talk to the parent(s), but it happened that Austin was sitting with his mom when I called, and he asked to speak to me. That had never happened to me before, and I was VERY happy it did! He spelled "probability" for me, and told me about his lime green Nintendo DS ("Lime green is the best colour in the rainbow you know". Yes, it's a fantastic colour! My favourite on the rainbow is blue. BUT, my second favourite is lime green! "It is? Well those are the colours of earth. You picked good colours").

On Monday we decided that it would be a good idea if I went to school to learn how to be a Ninja Turtle. Leonardo specifically (he has a blue eye mask after all). And at first I was a bit sketchy of the idea... I just spent upwards of $25,000 on my path to teaching. Was I too late to train to become a hero in a half shell? "No Christine, you're not too late. You just need to practice every day and then you need to cut a hole in the road so you can live in the sewer". That's all it takes? Well, ok.

On Tuesday we practiced kicking our feet and moving our arms (a really hard thing to do you know!) at the same time in the pool. And then, when thinking of things we like to eat during snack time, Austin came up with a fantastic recipe using things in his lunch bag. Apples cut up in vanilla yogurt with crushed Tostito chips sprinkled on top... Mmmmmmmm!

On Thursday we went to Wild Water Works and totally owned the lazy river (which, acting as the motor on the double tube, wasn't so lazy for me. But my legs got a nice work out!). He creamed me in Yahtzee 7 games in a row, and didn't feel an ounce of sorry when I (fake) cried. In fact, I believe pointing and laughing was involved. We spent some time watching the cloud shapes too. Did you know about Ice Cream Land in the sky?!

Today we practiced some amazing talents for the talent show. Austin held a hoola hoop in each hand and put a foot on each hoola hoop. He then walked around the gym like this to the song "Womanizer" (heh hem.. not so camp appropriate, but he wanted it so badly) and got the biggest applause of the show!

Week one went by so fast, and I'm really hoping it is not an indication of how swiftly the summer will fly by. Next week I'll have Lorena, and I think it's going to be awesome (although all that walking at Chippewa is going to annoy the cheese out of her). I love the kids I get to work with like you cannot imagine. I just wish I didn't always have to say goodbye.

"Well, maybe we can see each other at Wild Water Works again. But I'd like you to come play at my house... I have legos."