Tick Tock Goes the Clock.

How do you define success?
Now, what about happiness?

I've been considering these two terms for a while now. They're actually more complicated that you may initially think. For a lot of people, "success" encompasses academic achievement and gainful employment. It could come to identify a set of conditions, such as owning a house, getting married, or raising a family. Encarta online dictionary provides several definitions, among them: (a)attainment of fame, wealth, or power: impressive achievement, especially the attainment of fame, wealth, or power; (b) somebody successful: somebody who is wealthy, famous, or powerful because of a record of ; (c) something that turns out well: something that turns out as planned or intended. These sound so materially oriented to me, excluding definition "c", which identifies success as a situation of positive outcomes that are non-monetary, not power oriented, but rather the result of hard work.

Success, to me, encompasses many things. I align myself with definition "c" from above. Although having a job and money point to a successful individual in terms of success financially, I do not believe for a second this is the only definition of success there is. Success means accomplishing something I thought was not possible (e.g. running longer and longer distances throughout my marathon training). My definition of success means living my life in a way that makes me proud to be the person I am. But no matter what one's definition of success entails (and this will undoubtedly be different person by person), each individual should have one key thing that is included in their definition. That is happiness. I firmly believe that you are not fully successful in your life unless it involves happiness.

What is happiness? This question will also accrue a vast variety of definitions according to the individual being asked. It's an emotion, but what kinds of things evoke that emotion? I suppose it would depend on a number of things: maybe one's priorities. Maybe their social position. Maybe their history. Maybe prospects on their horizon. Maybe it's just some little things they do.

Lots of things make me happy. First and foremost, my work. I know many of my readers may be rolling their eyes thinking: "Good Lord, just stop talking about your work Christine". Sorry to annoy. I just cannot stop doing that, however. It's poorly paid for the knowledge and skills required, but the emotional satisfaction and gain is priceless. Running makes me happy (however one-dimensional I am in my uses). I am absolutely infatuated with the feeling of accomplishment I get after every run I do, short or long, fast or slow. Music makes me happy. Finding new music, but most of all listening to music I already know and experiencing the flooding of memories and associations that rush into my brain when I hear those songs. I've been known to get really happy when I attempt to make something for the first time (like something baked for desert, or any new dish for supper) and I don't burn it or ruin it in some way. My friends make me happy, because they support me unconditionally and I know they will always be there. My family makes me happy in the very same way. Sunshine makes me happy, but so does a rain day, or snow day. I won't continue to blabber on, because I may never finish.

Happiness can often be impeded.

It's interesting that I had the very same conversation with two people today on a topic I myself mull over very often. Discussions on social clocks. "Social Clock" is a sociological concept defined as a culturally defined "time line" of events that occur at times when society expects them to occur. So, for instance, society expects that we will attend college or university at the age of 18/19 and graduate by 21/22. Immediately after, we are expected to find permanent employment. Not long after that, say around 25 or 26, we're told it is time to get married. You'll want some time to establish the marriage, no doubt, but if you are not in the process of starting a family within the next 2-4 years, something's got to be wrong. This time line of expectations continues on until you hit that magical age of "Freedom 55", and you can finally retire and live life the way you want until your Godly time to die beckons. To deviate from these norms is to label oneself "inadequate", "lost", "unsuccessful".

Social Clocks are dumb. I think they increase anxiety and make us feel completely inadequate about ourselves. It's ridiculously status quo. How did they come to be? Who says they're the only way to live? Why do we define or success and happiness (or lack thereof) by comparing ourselves to them?

Myself and each of my conversation-mates each find ourselves in a situation where living according to social clocks has not quite matched up. Each of us has been in school longer that is "expected". Only one of us has a meaningful romantic relationship, but marriage is not on the horizon for this 24-year old. Each of us has more school in our futures, thereby delaying meeting more of our "expectations" further.

Each of us has expressed some disdain within ourselves for our "failure". It's almost inescapable, I mean, how can one not feel inadequate about themselves for not hitting all the same marks at the same time their peers are? Sometimes our peers get much further ahead in life, leaving us behind. Not on purpose, by any means. It's really nobody's fault, yet it still makes us feel like... well, crap.

This feeling sorry for oneself is lame though. And unproductive. Feeling sorry for oneself is, in my opinion, a conscious choice in favour of misery. People are always going to have something more that what we have, be it a job, money, possessions, a relationship, opportunities, or whatever. It's not their fault, nor is it our own fault we are where we are in life. I really and honestly and truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am not attempting, by any means, to get all religious on anyone here, but I do believe there is something bigger than us that has a plan for our lives. I believe we are given a set of circumstances which serve to challenge us in some way, or to just teach us something. Sometimes the lessons are wonderful and we don't see them as lessons in at all. Other times we are left comparing ourselves to our peers wondering what is wrong with us for not being the the same position in life that they are. While social comparison with like peers (i.e. like = age, social class, gender, and race) is normal, it isn't necessarily productive.

Which brings me back to my questions about defining success and happiness. We need to reinvent these very abstract concepts. We need to discontinue defining success in terms of financial assets (income, possessions, etc). We need to stop looking to the lives of others who have been fortunate in life and recognizing ourselves as inadequate in comparison if we do not parallel them. We need to find happiness in littler things, because this is where, in my opinion, true happiness exists. Perhaps most of all, we really need to take a step back and re-examine our own lives so we can take stock of all the amazing things we actually have.

If we continue to allow our happiness to depend on our comparison of ourselves to our social others, we will never be successful.

What is wrong with doing things for oneself? Just because you are interested in something. Just because that is what you want to do and when you want to do it. What is wrong with starting school later than 18 and finishing later too? What's wrong with getting married in your 30s, 40s, or never? What's it to anyone if someone chooses to not have children?

I could be incredibly misinformed on everything I've said here. But I really think that it is more important to live life the way you want in order to be truly happy.

Who cares what other people think?

Elvis Wore Mascara.

In boredom the other evening, I set out on the aimless plan to complete a silly survey I came across on a friend's profile. Everything was going well as I answered the typical, predictable questions often included in these types of time-wasters.... "pepsi or coke?"; "early bird or night hawk", "what do you notice first in the opposite sex", and so on. THEN I came to a question I had never seen before. Number 8 on this survey was a surprise to me, and it was the kind of question I thought required more analysis or consideration than the usual half or one second it took to answer the others. Number 8 read:

"8. What do you think about guys who wear eyeliner?"

I think on a superficial level most people would simply remark on either one of two possible ways to answer this question. First, they may say a guy who wears eyeliner is simply "EMO". Or second, they may say a guy who wears eyeliner is "gay". Then they'd move on to number 9: "One night stand or relationship?"

But me being me (I'm considering changing my middle name from "Elizabeth" to "Analytical"), I couldn't get over number 8 so easily. My sociology background is worth nothing if I don't share my thoughts on this case of "questionable" gendered behaviour. And so, I have successfully composed this rant. I don't really care if anyone reads it. If you have an open mind about gendered behaviour, you may find it interesting, and agree or disagree with some of my points (and i welcome your submission of any ideas you have yourself :). But at least you've got a mind open enough to hear the arguments. If, on the other hand, you have a very rigid view of male and female behaviour and gendered expectations, you will most likely not read this. You might disagree with what I have to say. And that's sad shit for you for being closed to diversity in a very diverse world. To which I wish you good luck that you are so acceptable to the diverse society that you refuse to accept, yet want to accept you ;).

Ok, so, guys and eyeliner. What do I really think about this? .....

The advertising industry is a remarkably powerful institution in society, which sells every single person made subject to it's powers a WIDE ARRAY of insecurities. Insecurities for sale range from covering "unsightly blemishes", to weight control, to having plump enough lips, to wearing a certain style/ brand of shoes/pants/skirts/shirts, to telling families that only quality time can be spent at a particular restaurant/hotel/theme park/ vacation getaway, to saying your loved ones are only safe in a particular vehicle, to displaying mothers who are able to both run a law firm and still raise their six children ("supermoms"; why can't you do this?!), to fathers who are big and strong and make tons of money at their high power executive jobs (thereby making factory workers, custodians, male teachers, male nurses, etc, somehow inadequate), to telling people their house will never be truly clean unless they use a particular cleaning product......... I could go on forever, and with the fake super-happy smile each of the people in these ads display if I have to :D.

Some (but not all people) may argue that girls are perhaps the hardest hit in many of advertising's aims. After all, basic and traditional gender expectations TELL us it is girls who are the ones to spend the most on such commodities as fashions and makeup, it is mothers who are presumed to consider at more length the quality and effectiveness of particular cleaning products, and who drive their children to school more often, team sports games, or wherever (thus they'd really need that super safe car to transport everyone with). But what I think is most detrimental is advertising's aims at young girls appearance. They (who ARE they?) tell girls and women they are inadequate on the basis of their weight, clothing choices, makeup selections, and the like. Girls are told to add colour here, lift something else over there, or to enhance that little part right here. AND WE DO! I am not afraid to admit that I am not immune to the silliness sold to me through advertising. I have bought the creams, the shampoos, the weight loss gimmicks. I have believed that I am the inadequate girl they tell me I am in pointing out that I do not look like the toned, seductive girl in the La Senza ad. I have believed I am the inadequate girl they tell me I am when they remind me I do not have the silky smooth skin like the girl in the Nivea commercial. I have believed I am the inadequate girl they tell me I am when they simply show a girl in an add who displays a particular slimness. Some people may think nothing of these sights, and believe they have little affect on how they perceive themselves and what they buy, but I assure you, it DOES have an affect. And it is my belief that to disagree with this statement means you are in denial (think about it: you are affected simply by saying you are not affected and doing things to defy that which advertising sells!). And that sucks for you :).

Recently, though, it has not only been girls who have been mass targeted and sold products that will take away all their "flaws". Boys and men, too, have been inundated with the wholesale marketing of anxieties about themselves. More and more, boys and men are being told that they have to have this diameter of biceps, they have to have this size chest range, they have to be able to play every sport on television (for only the televised ones, like football, baseball, basketball, hockey and soccer are those which allow a man to display his machismo to his fullest capabilities!). And if you are not going to measure up to these UNREALISTIC! male physical expectations, you had better be so bad-ass that you compensate in other ways! No pressure though. We'll only ostracize ya.

Ok, I think I went on a bit of a tangent there. I've been known to do that when something bugs me like that. BUT, back to guys and eyeliner.....

As I said, girls and women are sold anxieties about their appearance by being told to enhance, or cover up, or eliminate all together certain aspects of their bodies.
And, as I said, more and more, boys and men are becoming greater subjects to the commodification of their bodies and appearance.

We are told day after day about how a guy or a girl should look (well, according to how the infamous "THEY" think guys and girls should look ;). Actually, we are told from the minute we are born how to behave as a boy or a girl. We either come home in a pink or blue blanket, with a gender specific name (somehow, those gender ambiguous names confuse us so! humph, it just isn't fair! and those poor children! what will happen to them??). Girls are told to be pretty and petite, play with our tea seats and Barbies and to shut up. Boys have so much fun in rough and tumble play, get all dirty outside, and told not to cry or show any emotion (no, no son... that would mean you're *gasp!* feminine!). BULL.SHIT.

And so, if you are told from day one that a girl behaves this way and a boy behaves that way, to be witness to ANY deviation of this accepted norm" (WHICH BY THE WAY DOES NOT TRULY EXIST ;) freaks us out!

I have considered this next idea of mine for a long time. A lot of the time, although I am aware I am only told I am "inadequate" by people who want me to buy their product, I admit that wearing make up over my "unsightly blemishes" does contribute to at least a little higher self-esteem. My "flaws" really can become that much less noticeable. And for girls, this is a-ok! But guys. Don't they get "unsightly blemishes". Are guys somehow inhuman? (actually, I kinda wish this was true..... it would explain my inability to comprehend anything they do). Why wouldn't they want to cover up that which defines girls as "ugly", too? Eyeliner can enhance a girls eyes. I can say that I do notice a difference in the blueness of my own eyes with and without eyeliner. Why would a guy not want to enhance his own blue/green/brown? WHY IS THIS SO STUPID? If a guy wants to wear makeup, in the case of this note, number 8: what do you think of guys who wear eyeliner?, I say: whatever! good for them! If that is what a person feels will make them feel better about themselves, go for it! (but again, make them feel better about themselves only because they are made to feel somehow inadequate). It doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, it doesn't necessarily mean he is emo. Maybe this guy is one or both of those two possibilities. BUT, maybe, juuuuuuuuuuuuust maybe, he likes the way it makes his eyes or face look?

WE ARE ONLY SCARED BECAUSE FROM DAY ONE WE ARE BRAINWASHED INTO BELIEVING VERY RIGID GENDERED EXPECTATIONS! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Women can cross gender lines MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH easier than men can. Today, a woman can put on coveralls and become a mechanic. More and more women are entering the engineering and business fields. Fuck, they can even run for the American presidency! (although, in doing so she is named a "battle axe", "bitch", or other ridiculous names. whether you agree with Hillary Clinton's agenda or not, you must admit she has done remarkable things for women in leadership!). And we typically applaud the women who are able to cross into more masculine territory. HOWEVER, when men cross over into the "Land of Women", when men demonstrate an interest in feminine things, they are immediately branded "Gay". THAT IS RIDICULOUS! SO THE FUCK WHAT if they like fashion, makeup, hair, art, working with children, whatever. And then these men, gay or not (sexuality doesn't matter!), are completely mistreated in society. They are the butt of jokes and devalued by many.

What makes me mad is that people do not value what others have to offer on their inside! A guy wears eyeliner. People accept what they have come to associate with the eyeliner'd guy image. But they do not know that Mr. Eyeliner (he prefers Maybeline by the way) wants to help change the world in very positive ways. And they might not because they take one look, judge, and then move along.

Awesome. There's a whole world of people out there who are looked at, judged, and walked passed because they look a certain way, or display particular behaviours (there's a line in a DMB song "Typical Situation" that goes: "Why are you different? Why are you that way? If you don't get in line we'll lock you away.... it all comes down to nothing". And that's why Mr. Matthews is awesome)
And it makes me really mad.

P.S.: David Beckham also wears mascara.

Anyway, that's what I thought about on Tuesday.

So what's your opinion of guys who wear eyeliner?

Where Have all the Bloggers Gone?

Lame-O things are happening in the world:
- Global Warming
- War
- Increasing tuition costs
- Gas prices
- The discontinuation of English Toffee at Tim Horton's (ok that was a while ago. I am still feeling the loss though)

But suddenly a new ill has hit us. Or maybe just me. No one writes in their blogs anymore. What a sad thing. No one has opinions anymore? Even sadder.

Oh well. I seem to have a dedicated following of non-blogspot subscribers, so I will continue to blabber on just for them <3. I quite enjoy this exercise, even if my grammar and structure are clearly lacking a lot (well, probably most) of the time.

Anyway, I bartended for WWE this evening. Here is my question to you: WHY? Just, WHYYYYY?? Really! I don't get this over the top display of machismo! I peaked my head in for a few minutes here and there, and... and.... like, not even the tiniest smidget of convincing! It is one humongous male soap opera (sorry to tell you this boys), with worse story lines and acting than crappy porn. But 5,000 people seemed to have really enjoyed themselves tonight, so who am I to judge. Still, one of them even invited me out afterwards, because I "just smell so gooood!". Hmmmmm, enticing! Especially the part where you belched in my face <3. I do not get paid enough there!

But I did get to see some old friends again :). Paolo, I forgive you for liking WWE, if only because you're a Marauder now. (But I hope you snap out of it soon! And how dare you purchase beer from another bar! What's the use in a friend who bartends if you're not going to use the hook up? Sheesh!).

Dear Ms. Kay: I am sorry you had to endure 5 hours of it. While I got to deal with the finest of the fine customers present at Second Christmas, I did not have to unwillingly endure the show itself (although, David Bowie's wife was quite the show in and of herself). I hope you are still able to form new synapses and continue your life the way you planned. Signed, your admirer.

On a completely different note: GO OUT AND GET THE NEW MUSE ALBUM! NOW! GO! What a MASTERPIECE! Matthew Bellamy is a god, and the band's work on The Resistance is incomparable to anything new I have heard in a VERY LONG TIME! The man wrote a symphony, ok?! Such tributes to Queen and Bowie, as well as influenced by classical composers such as Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Debussy..... you HAVE to hear it. In fact, just let me know, I'm more than happy to burn it for anyone wanting a listen!

Life is busy these days. I'm going to be a guest speaker (haha) representing Reach for the Rainbow to the second year EA class on Thursday. This should be interesting, me talking to 60 adult students. Much different from teaching kids... MUCH! Kids care much less if you make a fool of yourself, in fact they expect it. We'll see how I manage this. Besides that, my class starts tomorrow at McMaster. I'm pretty stoked! I LOVE learning, and I'm super happy to return to Mac to do so on Wednesday nights. I'm taking Approaches to the Study of Religion, and it will look at how different fields approach this study (psychologically, sociologically, historically, critically, theologically....). I don't know... for me, there's just something about the academic atmosphere that romances me. I love it. I also love that I can work on my writing skills through essaying. I'm weird, I know. I've also got my marathon training, and I'm super pleased with my progress in that! I'm SO excited for this marathon! After Around the Bay I felt like I could do anything. Road to Hope is 13k more than that.... I will be ready!

I'm really looking forward to fall. For the colours, a fresh new season, for the opportunities available in it.

Lastly, my winter goals: 1) Go snowboarding. I've never been snowboarding before, and felt it was about time I caught up with the rest of civilization. I just need fellow snowboarders interested in teaching me :). And 2) GO TO A LEAFS GAME. This has been a goal for me since, oh, FOREVER. But in the past school and student finances have always impeded my achievement of #2. This year, I mean business! Can anyone hook a sad, deprived Leafs fan up?

That's all :)

Good things DO come to those who wait (and toss, and turn, and pull their out, and live in anxiousness for long periods of time)

I was hired by the HWDSB (Hamilton-Wentworth District School Board) today.
It's an amazing feeling!

Week Ten - Nathaniel: Badee, badee.. That's all Folks!

(Sorry for the delay, dedicated readers. I started this, but then I apparently went on too long, and only half of it was saved when I went to publish. I couldn't find the energy to go back and redo most of it at the time, but alas, here it is for your reading pleasure)

At first, when I began composing this last summer blog, I started with a melancholic note of a summer's end. I didn't think that was fair to Nathaniel and all the great things we experienced together. And so, I will now re-begin, this time talking about Nathaniel and our week together. What follows is my send off to summer 2009.

Nathaniel and I were a great team last year, and I was pretty excited to see his profile in my mailbox.

He's big on logos. No, not legos... I actually meant logos. As in the Warner Bros. logo. Or the Disney Pixar logo, featuring Luxem and Luxem Jr. (note: Luxem Jr. does not appear in the onscreen Pixar logo until the Disney blockbuster feature Cars). Or the 21st Century Fox logo with the searchlights. Or the Dreamworks logo. Or the MTM logo (standing, of course, for Mary Tyler Moore) featuring a little orange kitty named "Mimsie", meant to mimic the MGM logo featuring a lion named "Leo". I really never realized just how many logos there were in the world before I met Nathaniel, and I'm actually really hoping that Jeopardy comes up with a Logo category sometime soon. I will smoke it, no doubt!

Last year he was alllllllllllll about Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. Each day he'd bring along with him two different trains from the Thomas show, through which I would have to talk in order to get him to comply with virtually all of my requests of him.
(*Christine as Christine*: Nathaniel, it's time to get changed so we can go swimming! *Nathaniel*: [no response].
*Christine talking as Thomas the Tank Engine*: Uhhh, Nathaniel?
*Nathaniel*: OH! Yes Thomas, is that you?
*Christine as Thomas*: Why yes, it is! You see, it's time to swim, so we better get ourselves dressed! Why, we'd have to wear wet clothes just about all afternoon if we went swimming in our clothes!
*Nathaniel*: Ok Thomas! And do you remember episode 21 where the conductor spilt the flour on you and you sneezed on 14 boys? That was hilllarous!
*Christine as Thomas*: Good golly! It sure was!
And just like that, I vanished into thin air and Thomas was in charge.

Thomas wasn't so in this year. Instead, he seemed to be fixated on one blooper in particular he found on Youtube. Titled "A Funny Blooper", it features Porky Pig forgetting to stutter on the "badee, badee, a-that's all folks!" (please! watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADcf3cOpiT8). Nathaniel knew this short skit verbatim! To be sure, each time I skipped a word or some small detail, he was immediately there to remind me of it. We practiced any time we had a free moment to ourselves. We also forced audiences out of the people around us, such as all the lifeguards and non-swimming senior counsellors on the beach on Tuesday, and then anyone willing to give us a minute and a half of their time in the breeze way, and then for our helping hands friends and counsellors at lunch in the senior pavilion, and so on and so on, UNTIL! FINALLY! We got to perform it at senior flagpole on Wednesday afternoon! Nat was so extremely proud of us and, as silly as I may have felt, once I embraced the moment and acknowledged how happy he was to be a star for that moment, I was quite proud of us too! We made a Looney Tunes drum out of what was left of the construction paper, and even wrote "Looney Tunes" in it's original custom cursive font. We were something to see, indeed!

He wished me luck on my job interview, and advised me that I might stand a greater chance should I have chosen to wear my Tinkerbelle costume rather than my regular teacher clothes. "And maybe you could invite the man to the Goodbye Summer party on Friday". It was the most thoughtful, genuine advice I had ever received <3.

And then Friday came. Such a bitter-sweet arrival. Everyone was so tired after the last 10 weeks, but each of us LOVED everything having to do with each moment that made those 10 weeks up. But all good things must come to an end, and this was no exception. We canoed, swam (I say "swam" but really mean self-inflicted hypothermia on ourselves, because the water was COOOOOLLD!). And we had our final HH party of the year. Nathaniel/Link waited very patiently for the party to commence (of course, spending 45 minutes trying to dislodge a very small toy from a crack in the picnic table served well to occupy us [the toy was not his and I was sweating buckets in panic I wouldn't be able to get it out! PHEW to the fact that I did!]). And in a flash it was over. We said our goodbyes, boarded the busses and departed one last time (of course, on our way to the bus, Nathaniel and I said goodbye to each thing we passed along the way. I asked the trees and lake to not change on us over the next year, and he said he'd really like it if there could be another animation adventure theme day next year ("could you talk to someone about that please?").... naturally, so he could wear the Link costume). I had no profile in my hand, which felt weird on a Friday.

Nathaniel and I had a stupendous time on week 10, only it went by too fast. I wish I was able to write my typical "next week:_____", but that won't happen for a couple seasons now. So, what I will say is that I am SO very thankful for every moment of this summer. For each and every camper, and for each and every laugh, smile, hug, kiss, bus ride (well, maybe not so much the week I was bus monitor!), rainy day, sunny day, canoe ride, co-counselor chat, hot day, cool day, double work day, training day.... everything! This has been my most favourite of summers in the longest while I can recall.

So until next summer, on the topic of summer camp...

"badee, badeee, T-T-THAT'S ALL FOLKS!"

<3