How do you define success?
Now, what about happiness?
I've been considering these two terms for a while now. They're actually more complicated that you may initially think. For a lot of people, "success" encompasses academic achievement and gainful employment. It could come to identify a set of conditions, such as owning a house, getting married, or raising a family. Encarta online dictionary provides several definitions, among them: (a)attainment of fame, wealth, or power: impressive achievement, especially the attainment of fame, wealth, or power; (b) somebody successful: somebody who is wealthy, famous, or powerful because of a record of ; (c) something that turns out well: something that turns out as planned or intended. These sound so materially oriented to me, excluding definition "c", which identifies success as a situation of positive outcomes that are non-monetary, not power oriented, but rather the result of hard work.
Success, to me, encompasses many things. I align myself with definition "c" from above. Although having a job and money point to a successful individual in terms of success financially, I do not believe for a second this is the only definition of success there is. Success means accomplishing something I thought was not possible (e.g. running longer and longer distances throughout my marathon training). My definition of success means living my life in a way that makes me proud to be the person I am. But no matter what one's definition of success entails (and this will undoubtedly be different person by person), each individual should have one key thing that is included in their definition. That is happiness. I firmly believe that you are not fully successful in your life unless it involves happiness.
What is happiness? This question will also accrue a vast variety of definitions according to the individual being asked. It's an emotion, but what kinds of things evoke that emotion? I suppose it would depend on a number of things: maybe one's priorities. Maybe their social position. Maybe their history. Maybe prospects on their horizon. Maybe it's just some little things they do.
Lots of things make me happy. First and foremost, my work. I know many of my readers may be rolling their eyes thinking: "Good Lord, just stop talking about your work Christine". Sorry to annoy. I just cannot stop doing that, however. It's poorly paid for the knowledge and skills required, but the emotional satisfaction and gain is priceless. Running makes me happy (however one-dimensional I am in my uses). I am absolutely infatuated with the feeling of accomplishment I get after every run I do, short or long, fast or slow. Music makes me happy. Finding new music, but most of all listening to music I already know and experiencing the flooding of memories and associations that rush into my brain when I hear those songs. I've been known to get really happy when I attempt to make something for the first time (like something baked for desert, or any new dish for supper) and I don't burn it or ruin it in some way. My friends make me happy, because they support me unconditionally and I know they will always be there. My family makes me happy in the very same way. Sunshine makes me happy, but so does a rain day, or snow day. I won't continue to blabber on, because I may never finish.
Happiness can often be impeded.
It's interesting that I had the very same conversation with two people today on a topic I myself mull over very often. Discussions on social clocks. "Social Clock" is a sociological concept defined as a culturally defined "time line" of events that occur at times when society expects them to occur. So, for instance, society expects that we will attend college or university at the age of 18/19 and graduate by 21/22. Immediately after, we are expected to find permanent employment. Not long after that, say around 25 or 26, we're told it is time to get married. You'll want some time to establish the marriage, no doubt, but if you are not in the process of starting a family within the next 2-4 years, something's got to be wrong. This time line of expectations continues on until you hit that magical age of "Freedom 55", and you can finally retire and live life the way you want until your Godly time to die beckons. To deviate from these norms is to label oneself "inadequate", "lost", "unsuccessful".
Social Clocks are dumb. I think they increase anxiety and make us feel completely inadequate about ourselves. It's ridiculously status quo. How did they come to be? Who says they're the only way to live? Why do we define or success and happiness (or lack thereof) by comparing ourselves to them?
Myself and each of my conversation-mates each find ourselves in a situation where living according to social clocks has not quite matched up. Each of us has been in school longer that is "expected". Only one of us has a meaningful romantic relationship, but marriage is not on the horizon for this 24-year old. Each of us has more school in our futures, thereby delaying meeting more of our "expectations" further.
Each of us has expressed some disdain within ourselves for our "failure". It's almost inescapable, I mean, how can one not feel inadequate about themselves for not hitting all the same marks at the same time their peers are? Sometimes our peers get much further ahead in life, leaving us behind. Not on purpose, by any means. It's really nobody's fault, yet it still makes us feel like... well, crap.
This feeling sorry for oneself is lame though. And unproductive. Feeling sorry for oneself is, in my opinion, a conscious choice in favour of misery. People are always going to have something more that what we have, be it a job, money, possessions, a relationship, opportunities, or whatever. It's not their fault, nor is it our own fault we are where we are in life. I really and honestly and truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am not attempting, by any means, to get all religious on anyone here, but I do believe there is something bigger than us that has a plan for our lives. I believe we are given a set of circumstances which serve to challenge us in some way, or to just teach us something. Sometimes the lessons are wonderful and we don't see them as lessons in at all. Other times we are left comparing ourselves to our peers wondering what is wrong with us for not being the the same position in life that they are. While social comparison with like peers (i.e. like = age, social class, gender, and race) is normal, it isn't necessarily productive.
Which brings me back to my questions about defining success and happiness. We need to reinvent these very abstract concepts. We need to discontinue defining success in terms of financial assets (income, possessions, etc). We need to stop looking to the lives of others who have been fortunate in life and recognizing ourselves as inadequate in comparison if we do not parallel them. We need to find happiness in littler things, because this is where, in my opinion, true happiness exists. Perhaps most of all, we really need to take a step back and re-examine our own lives so we can take stock of all the amazing things we actually have.
If we continue to allow our happiness to depend on our comparison of ourselves to our social others, we will never be successful.
What is wrong with doing things for oneself? Just because you are interested in something. Just because that is what you want to do and when you want to do it. What is wrong with starting school later than 18 and finishing later too? What's wrong with getting married in your 30s, 40s, or never? What's it to anyone if someone chooses to not have children?
I could be incredibly misinformed on everything I've said here. But I really think that it is more important to live life the way you want in order to be truly happy.
Who cares what other people think?
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