One More Star in the Sky

We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full.
Marcel Proust

I have felt that way before.  I too have felt so low and insignificant that if I just disappeared, maybe everything would be better. I, too, have felt so tormented by things and people that I wasn't sure I could take anything anymore.  I thought about doing it too.  But I didn't.  Does it make me better than this young girl?  What is the difference between us?

The loss of a life is a significant event.  A human being sent to this world for some important purpose lives their life, leaves their mark, and they depart.  But the loss of a young life... what living have they actually done?

 

And how in the world does life get to be so much for such young people?  How do we as adults allow ourselves to put so much pressure on kids?  OR to ignore the pressures on kids in this age?  And if not all of this, how do we as adults not know how to respond to their needs, especially emotionally?

People always go on to quote the Beatles with the famous "Love is all you need" bit.   I believe it to an extent (this after Bart's remarks of : "Sure, try writing a check to the electric company with that on it").  Love is part of what we need.  Because in addition to this, we need compassion.  And understanding.  And empathy.  And thoughtfulness.  And kindness.  And trust.  And honesty.  And a willingness to listen, to things both said and unsaid.  

I think what makes me most sad in all of this is how this young girl felt she had absolutely no other options.  Why?  How did she not feel she could turn to a single other individual in her life: parent(s), teachers, friends, anyone?  How cold and alone she must have felt.  How could there be nothing in her life to look forward to, to keep her here?  

Today was Pancake Tuesday.  I went to St. Mark to help with the festivities.  The biggest problem buzzing around the primary division was the lack of sufficient syrup supplies.  Or that Jack's pancakes weren't as big as Mia's.  The recess bell rang and Peyton wasn't done eating, he still had to put on his coat and boots to make it outside.

 

Why can't all the world's problems be solved by having extra syrup, equally-sized pancakes, or providing enough time to finish your snack and get dressed before recess?

How does life become so complicated that some feel there is no way to escape it except through death?  

How do we fail kids in this way?

We put so much money into resources for literacy and numeracy.  And don't get me wrong, these are important initiatives which will undoubtedly improve life for the students who benefit from them.  But what are we doing to help older students who struggle with the various emotional/mental pressures and concerns in high school?   I was lucky to have strong people in my life I could lean on, and things to look forward to, but what about this girl?

How the fuck to we let things get to a point where kids see death as an attractive option???    

What is wrong with us?

However long the night, the dawn will break

African Proverb

Forward Facing

And all the world is

A painted picture

Of silver and golden stars

Knowing that we are

Forward facing

It's funny.  I've had so many ideas for writing lingering in my head for a while now and in the blink of an eye they're gone.  I wonder how that happens.

The title of my blog is "A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss".  It's a line from the song "Busted Stuff" by DMB.  I picked it because I think it's a brilliant metaphor for life.  To sit and stagnate, to dwell, to be never move forward... in this you sit and collect moss, like a rock that sits in the same spot for an unknowing amount of time.  Moving forward though, through changes in tide, up hills, and over finish lines to rainbows ends, to greener pastures, or just a peaceful resolve helps a person to grow as an individual.  It's such a versatile concept.

Have you ever done something you wish you could take back?  Well, maybe not take back as much as rationalize with yourself why.  It's happened to me more than once.  And I did it again, it would seem.

" There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecision's,
And for a hundred visions and revisions...

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

~ T.S. Eliot 

Never disturb the universe.  That's my advice.  You're not in charge.  Even if you THINK you know, you don't.  So sit down, shut up, and control your ambitions.

But then.... where do you go from there?  After fucking up everything that was once perfect if it weren't for your idiocy, where do you go?  

We aren't privileged to have very many truly influential people in our lives.  Or people you connect with on a level so much deeper than the superficiality of the average relationship you possess.  I was lucky to  have both of those in one individual, and I've ruined it.  Go me.

Life begins where your comfort zone ends.  I tried it, without even thinking of the ramifications.  I fucked it up.  Now I'm in the "life" part, I guess.  

I am an idiot.

I Miss Writing

I want to write so badly for purposes other than Brock assignments!  I have a bunch of ideas in my head I want to spit out, but don't have the time or energy to make it real.

Quickly, though, a thank you to all the people who have become readers of my blog!  I so appreciate your readership, support, and kind words.  They really do mean so much to me.  Maybe one day I can sell you a book with my name on it ;).

Stay Tuned....