2010 Review

It's New Years Eve.

In 8.5 hours, a new year is going to begin. And contemplating this idea, I cannot help but taking a minute (or 10) to reflect back on 2010... the good things, the not so good things, and to recognize how these have influenced me... made me more Christineish.

I'm not big on New Years plans. Never really have been. Most people I know are dead set on the big hall, new dress, $100 ($150 if you're a couple) night out, but it's not so much my thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this would be a poor way to ring in a brand new year. It just wouldn't be my first choice. I would be perfectly content staying in with some movies, good food, wine/beer, friends, laughing the night away. Lucky for me, this is how I got to start 2010... at Kim's Georgetown abode, with herself, Cassie, and me. We laughed, drank wine in the hot tub (note: you can get PRETT-Y drunk drinking in the hot tub!), ate, and had a blast. It was perfect. (and no one threw up).

I had just started an LTO at Glenwood two weeks prior to Christmas break, and was returning to this school in the new year. Glenwood is a special day school for students with developmental disabilities in the HWDSB. 65% of these students are immobile and in wheelchairs. 75% are non-verbal and use gestures, sign language, picture symbols, or eye gaze to communicate with others. I stayed at Glenwood until March 26th, and it was an incredible place to be. The very next Tuesday, I took a job at R.L Hyslop in Stoney Creek, to work with the darling Joshua in a SK class. He quickly won my heart over... we were a match made in heaven for 3 months. In this time, I managed to help him identify every letter of the alphabet, and put them in proper sequence (up till about H). I was also able to teach him the signs to all of the colours. We'd tour the school in search of particular things.... a letter he was fixated on, or a colour he loved that day. We had many conversations with the Clifford poster in the library, and sang O'Canada to every flag we ran into. We went to the Special Olympics on May 25th, where he was able to collect 10 colourful participant ribbons. He was absolutely precious and I miss him incredibly. I also got to work at Parkview numerous days before the end of the school year, and was able to see many graduate. What a triumph for them, and I got to share in the joy!

I was lucky to see some amazing live music this year. I started with Muse on March 8th, with Kim and Aaron, moved to Dave Matthews Band on June 1st with Kimberly, Dan, and later Gary and Shirley. I got in Michael Buble with Kim, Kat, and Kylie on August 10th, and concluded with Stone Temple Pilots with Aaron, Kim, Mike, and Krystal on August 27th (note: each of the Kim's mentioned here are different Kims, except the Kim mentioned in Muse and STP.. they are the same ;). LIVE MUSIC ROCKS MY WORLD! Especially the performances I was lucky to catch this year.

I worked hard ALL year to improve my running. I am so very thankful, first and foremost, to Julie for taking me (and Breeann) under her wing to train us for Around the Bay in 2010. She is an inspiration to me, and I feel very lucky to have been able to get to know her more this year, and to call her my friend. I am also thankful because she introduced me to Kathy and Don, who have also taught me so much about the sport and training. In 2010, I ran 3 half-marathons (and PB'd in Mississauga, cracking the 2hr mark), Around the Bay (30k), a 5k with my sister, and the Boxing Day 10Miler. I gained so much strength and ability in running this year, and I'm feeling much more strong and confident for the year of running I am facing right now. I've met some of the most amazing people through running. And besides the obvious physiological benefits of the exercise, the people are the best part. Running is one of the only sports that can bring people from so many walks of life. Because of running, I have friends who are my age through to 60+. It's amazing.

Relationships. I was happily single for 83% of 2010. The missing 17% I owe to a fun summer fling with an absolutely ridiculous ending. But, as dumb as it all was, I don't regret it... it was fun if nothing else. That doesn't mean I ever want to see him again. He's still a gigantic asshole. Ok, that's all.

I have the absolute best friends in the universe. I think I've mentioned that once or twice, but it doesn't hurt to say it again. Krystal,  Aaron, Kim, Kylie, and Katherine have constantly been there for me, in every hysterical moment and every moment I had to celebrate. I love them to a degree that is not measurable. And I am SO excited to spend the next year sharing more laughs, tears, and everything with them.

I started thinking of possible resolutions for myself in 2011. I don't smoke, so I can't quit. I'm not overweight, so I don't have to sign up for a diet plan. It's impossible for me to become a millionaire, considering next year could be spent in school (unless 649 finds my numbers... of course you'd have to buy a ticket for that to happen). I could say I'm going to worry less, but that would require loads of medication. But what I can do is work at enjoying life more in the moment. I am very future focused... when___ happens, next year_____, blah blah blah. What about now? Sometimes I deny myself simple pleasures in the moment because I get to thinking of how it could affect me (usually I think of the negative effects) down the road. It's ridiculous, so I am going to give it an honest and genuine try. I'm going to say yes to more things, rather than no. To be quite honest, this is going to test me quite a lot, and it's going to push me out of a very comfortable zone. But growth comes when we challenge ourselves. I am just lucky to have so many awesome people to be there with me along the way.

ALSO, I am making a point to get myself to the cottage more this spring, summer, and fall! I will have to modify the above resolution a bit, so that I can say no to weekend work that would prevent me from enjoying the beauty and blessing of my family's cottage in Bala, Muskoka.

Wishing anyone who reads this all the best in health, happiness, love, and luck in 2011.

Cheers,
Christine

Personal Statement - Submitted to York University Teachers College, For Consideration for Admission for Fall 2011

Personal Statement

I have been extremely fortunate to have had such rich experiences working with children and youth in the field of education. I have had the opportunity to work with students from their earliest moments in education as an Early Childhood Educator, and then, as an EA, all the way through the years until they have transitioned to life after high school. I have worked with students from Canada and students from refugee camps in Cambodia. I have worked with gifted students, and students with learning disabilities. I have worked with able-bodied students and those with severe physical and developmental conditions. I have listened to a student with autism recite to me, verbatim, the entire story of “The Paper Bag Princess”, and I have sat with a high school student with a mild intellectual delay struggling to identify and sound out the word “paper” in that very same book title. I have communicated with students using words, picture symbols, and sign language. I have been able to celebrate much success with the students I have had the honour of working with, and I have had to show some grit and try a little harder in order to get others to that same place. I have thought about what one word I would choose to sum up and describe the gamut of my experiences in working with children and youth in education. As it turns out, there are many words that correctly describe them, but the one I have selected as most accurate is “lucky”.

I am lucky to have been exposed to so many different kinds of students, each one of which has taught me something new about teaching, learning, and myself. I have learned that each student who comes into my classroom is an individual and approaches education and learning from a very specific set of circumstances, different from every other student in the room. I am lucky to have had opportunities to work with some of the neediest learners in the system as an Educational Assistant with the HWDSB. This work has challenged me in so many ways, as I have given my best effort to finding the strategies and techniques that will help these students achieve. I am lucky to have a passion for education, a life-long learner myself. I am lucky to have a chance to pass on my love for learning to those impressionable minds that will come my way.

I have worked with several challenging populations in the education field: students with varying disabilities, students new to Canada, students with less than favourable socioeconomic backgrounds, and students with very little love and support in their homes. The lessons I have learned have been tough, yet I have loved every second. I love the feeling I get when I am able to see a student grow beyond the barriers they face and over the finish line of a goal. I am confident that the training I have received and work I have completed to date, towards a teaching career, has presented me with enough knowledge and skill that I will be able to accept any student in my classroom, with any kind of obstacles to learning they bring with them, and see them succeed.

My goal in formal teaching is to one day become the teacher of a Special Needs class of my own. My experiences have prepared me well for such a career, and now is the time for me to take my next set of steps in that direction

I thank you for considering me as a candidate for admission to York University’s Primary/Junior class of 2012.

Christine Elizabeth Pastrak, B.A., E.A., E.C.E.

(NOTE: I have no idea why the last two paragraphs suddenly indent, but it won't let me modify it)

Twenty.......Eight.

Well, I'm 28 now. So far so good, but I'm only ten days in. There's still 355 ahead of me, and, if you know me, ANYTHING can happen! To be perfectly honest, I do not believe I am mature enough to be 28, and for the first five days of being 7x4 I considered giving it back and re-evaluating the situation next year. 27 is a perfect square mathematically. It's still borderline "mid-twenties". 28, on the other hand, is just so... so.... "late twenties". Late twenties. Ugh.... People are going to expect things of me.

Anyway, it turns out you HAVE to turn your year older when the calendar mandates it in your personal life cycle. And while I was disappointed by this at first, 28's been ok to me so far. I like to read my horoscope for the year in the news paper on my birthday. Last year's was pretty accurate. It said that if I was single (which I was) I was going to meet someone through a friend. This summer, it happened.... although it turned out to be a waste of time. It was fun while it lasted though. But the point is that my super official Hamilton Spectator year long prophecy came true! This years projection wasn't as exciting, but it does say that if I'm single (which I am) I should meet someone who is "exotic" this year.

I hope he's Australian. I dig their accents......

Mind you it also prophesied less wonderful ideas, too. Such as that I could find myself in depressive moods more often this year. This would be a good thing to NOT come true and therefore destroy the confidence I have in such a silly source (i.e. whoever that intuitive is that writes the horoscopes for the Spec). At least I know ahead of time. And if sadness strikes, I'll do what I can to kick its ass.

Now, if I could get over this cold. Ever since I turned 28, I've been sick. Old age is attacking my immunity!

HI A.J.!!

Road 2 Hope 2010

"A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. Nobody is going to win a 5,000 meter race after running an easy 2 miles. Not with me. If I loose forcing the pace all the way, well, at least I can live with myself." - Steve Prefontaine

Runner's of all ages and paces gathered at Saltfleet High School this morning, bright and early with the sun, preparing their minds and bodies for what they were about to experience. Today was the 4th annual Road 2 Hope Marathon and Half-Marathon in Hamilton. This race is in support of two fabulous organizations: The Joy and Hope of Haiti and City Kidz.

I braved the full marathon last year, and was originally set to do the same today. But in early August, I realized I wasn't going to be able to adequately complete a proper training regime for a November marathon, and instead chose to do the half-marathon.

I trained SUPER hard for today's race. All summer long, I pushed myself in the heat and humidity, through the woods, on the pavement, after work in the evening, and early in the morning, too. I think the only reason I race is because in order to do so you have to train. Training thrills me.... It is where I see ALL of my progress and feel ALL of my self-satisfaction and confidence. Race day's only RARELY make me feel these same things. So training is what I live for... although the medals and race shirts are pretty good too.

Today was an absolutely glorious day for running. Although cold to start (about -2ish), I found myself ripping off my gloves and vest by the 3k mark, just before entering onto the Red Hill Expressway. The sun was out for the majority of the race, and that always helps runner's feel happier in the middle of a grueling long distance run!

Our pace was pre-planned at 5:27/km. This would bring us over the finish line in 1hr 55minutes. I don't know what your thoughts are but, to me, this is FAST! And I maintained this pace for quite a while (actually, along the entire length of the Red Hill, we were running 5 minute kilometers), until about 14k or so. That brings us to the Barton St. exit of the Red Hill, where you make a left on Barton, right on Woodward, left on Beach Blvd. halfway to the lift bridge, and then follow the beach trail all the way back to a path behind Wild Water Works, and then another 400m to cross the finish line.

Anyway, I lost a lot of steam around this time. It was stop and go the rest of the way. My legs felt so heavy, and my quads and calves were slightly burning. I presume this means I didn't fuel well enough prior to the race.... I had the usual: a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter, a yogurt, and orange. I was likely burning fat instead of carbohydrate stores, which isn't good. I've felt that one other time, and that was during my first Around the Bay Road Race. It isn't much fun. It hurts actually. So I ran as far as I could but felt forced to stop every now and then to recoup my muscles. I lost so much time doing this, but I just couldn't keep it up.

I did not meet my goal time. Naturally, I was extremely disappointed with myself over this. I trained SO WELL all summer and fall, ran the distance at that pace twice in training, and only to flop on race day. It seems to be my trend (save for the Mississauga half last spring). I admittedly get a significant bout of race anxiety each time I run one. I get super excited, usually waste a lot of energy worrying and being thrilled at the same time, and this exhausts me, mentally and, eventually, physically.

Julie Menzies is my greatest running supporter and inspiration. She stayed with me the ENTIRE time, pushed me up a couple hills, and kept me in the race the whole 21.1k. I CANNOT THANK HER ENOUGH!!! She and I are quite similar. Last winter, she shared many of her experiences with me about running and racing, while training for Around the Bay. She told me that although running is something that comes more naturally for other runners, she is not one of them. And neither am I. She told me it took her 8 years to get over her own race anxiety and into a more relaxed race groove, where she could relish in great victories and PB's, and accept those races that didn't quite measure up to her expectations for what they were. I am so thankful for Julie, and I'm not quite sure how or IF I can ever repay her. All I know is that I am blessed to have met her. Very blessed.

Phyllis told me something pretty remarkable after my race today. "It means more to persevere on a hard day than to sail through an easy day. You should feel good about yourself". I admit that I am very hard on myself. I have been my whole life long, but it is because I have high expectations for my own success. And when I do not meet these expectations, I call myself a failure, even if many other great things come of the experience beyond my goal. Phyllis is right.... today I showed a lot of grit. I wanted to quit so badly, but trotted on anyhow. It was not easy for me. I was in pain. I walked a fair bit. I swore (out loud.. not the best race etiquette :S). But I pushed on, despite all of it. I think this can say a lot about a persons character. I do believe I am a dedicated individual. I do not give up on anything, even though I may really want to sometimes. So many people would love to have done what I did today but cannot, due to any number of challenges (what comes to mind is Karen, a runner and friend at the Runner's Den who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in late winter and is currently in the hospital doing less than stellar :-(..). But here I am, an able-bodied, healthy woman, who CAN do something like this. So might as well take advantage of my blessings in mind, body, and soul, and run like hell.

I am so proud of Breeann and Phyllis today. Each of them ran their hearts out and did very well in the end. I am lucky to know you girls, and to share the roads with you. I look forward to training for and running many more races with you!

I am also proud of every runner who participated in any length of race over the entire weekend, from the 5k all the way to the full marathon. It takes A LOT of dedication, determination, and courage to get one's butt to the starting line alone, never mind running the actual race with all those people surrounding you, and all the pressure. The monies raised from this race helps two amazing organizations which do really wonderful things to help the human race, and there is never anything wasted in that, even if time goals were not met. We helped people today, and that is something to celebrate!

So now it's back to regular Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday training for what is going to be my next long-distance race... Around the Bay 2011 (which will be my 3rd!). The Grimsby half-marathon will take place about a month prior to ATB, and I fully intend on bringing it at that race! But before all that, a fun 5k... The Santa Shuffle, in Burlington next month. I've managed to recruit some new running mates too... my sister Kimberly and bff Aaron! What's not fun about running with bells on your shoes in a Santa suit?!

In the end, today is what it is. I got another medal for my case, and another number for the back of my bedroom door. It was an experience I learned a lot from. And the kids will be so amazed by my shiny gold medal at school tomorrow ;).

Misc. Updates

I didn't know I liked pumpkin spice'd products this much until this year. Actually, I have never given pumpkin spice'd anything a try until this year... I've always thought nothing in particular of it. And then I thought... mmmmm Pumpkin Spice Latte (@ Second Cup) and thought, YEAH! PUMPKIN SPICE! Well, in recent weeks I have consumed many pumpkin spice products including a coffee, a latte (ok.. two latte's), a muffin, and a scone. I thoroughly enjoy festive/seasonal treats.

Autumn 2010 has proven to be quite wonderful so far. Weather-wise, we've had so many gorgeous, sunny, WARM days, and a reasonable amount of rain. No one can complain about the colours which currently flood the landscape of the city (it's best enjoyed from the top of the Dundas Valley Gorge, or the mountain brow). Bright yellow's and orange's... a touch of red here and there.... I just love it. They are going to be the best scenery to take in during the half-marathon, which is just 7 days away now. I've been so, so lucky to work at Parkview and Glenwood most days of the entire school year so far, with great days also at schools elsewhere here and there (Sherwood in particular. I was there this past Monday and had the greatest day with three students who have Downs Syndrome. Lucas [who was Luke Skywalker for Halloween] was really not having much of the gym activity for that day, and faked being sick {note, Lucas uses sign language to communicate, and it was a bit humourous to see him telling us how sick he was}. When we got back to our regular classroom after gym {where he sat on the side pouting the entire period}, his teacher said she would write a note home to tell Lucas' mum that he wasn't feeling well, but then! MIRACULOUSLY! Lucas was ok! And when Ms. Grilli asked him if he was playing a trick on us, he proudly and loudly managed to say "YEEEEEEEESSSS!" Good one Lucas!}.


I worked at Parkview three days this week. A big bunch of grade 9's think I'm "the shit" because "Miss.... no one else will catch on to our stuff like you do. None of the other teachers get it, they don't like to have fun like you. It's dope! I wanna be in your group for everything!". I think this is kind of a lot awesome because it means that 1) I'm doing a good job at getting these students stoked for learning and school, and 2) they like me.. they really like me!, and 3) they want to come back! One of the biggest factors for truancy and lack of motivation for the students at Parkview is that the work is such a challenge for them (mainly reading, among other things) and they QUICKLY become discouraged by it. They have been known to give up fairly easily as soon as something which is not "easy" confronts them. But when you make the work fun and interesting and set them up for success, they really love it and look forward to coming to class (all of their classes) each day. They become more driven to obtain their credits and eventually their diploma. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WORKING AT PARKVIEW <3 . Yesterday I gave William a present.... A red plaid insulated work coat. He was excited on many levels: 1) it fit him {note: William enjoys food and often many of the donations of clothing that come through the school aren't suited for him}. 2) "THIS IS AWESOME! Now I have one just like my Dad!!! {this reaction made me so happy for him. I am glad he got to have the coat, which used to be my Grandpa's, but he never wore}. William wore the jacked in the Haunted House (and subsequently sweated his butt off in it, haha), and then to the dance at Sir Allan McNab later that afternoon. I have been bringing in donations by the basket load for the past couple weeks and have noticed some of the students wearing items I have brought in. "Are those REAL Croc's Miss?" {this student was SO, SO, SO, excited to have REAL Crocs!}. I am glad these items are getting a "second life", and making kids so happy at the same time.

I am starting a LTO of indefinitely length at Glenwood on Monday. I like Glenwood quite a lot! It's a close second behind Parkview, so if I was going to have to stay anywhere other than Parkview for an extended period of time, this would be my choice. I am going to be in one of the behaviour rooms. The students here are all verbal, save for one, and have stronger academic skills. At the same time, it's a behaviour room for a reason.... When something triggers these students, they just explode. It's a challenging assignment, but I am looking forward to all of it. Wait 'til Sydney finds out I (she calls me "Kristin" because she doesn't like the "tine" part of "Christine" for whatever reason, haha) am going to be in her room everyday now. OH BOY!

Road 2 Hope is just 7 days away! Just before I began writing this entry, I had completed my last long run before the race in one week. Breeann and I met (sans Julie. FEEL BETTER SOON JULIE!, sans Kathy. GOOD LUCK FOR THE MARINE CORPS MARATHON TOMORROW KATHY!, and sans Steve. STEVE, WHERE ARE YOU?) for an 8k run along the last portion of the half-marathon course. It goes along Beach Blvd (the same as Around the Bay) to just before the lift bridge, then along the beachside path to just slightly past Wild Water Works and back to our cars, which was parked at the Lakeland Pavilion (right beside Hutch's). This was our first "cold" day... I had to wear my vest and gloves! It felt GREAT though! I am feeling really confident for this race. I kept a very diligent running schedule throughout the hot of summer (WHICH WASN'T EASY!!) and haven't missed or skipped a training day since May! Running in the trails all spring and summer has made me SO strong and a whole lot faster! I think I can attribute my increased speed, also, to running with Katy, Don, and Julie.... Here's a tip for any of you who are interested: Running with runner's who are faster than you, in trails you are unfamiliar with, is a good thing if you want to get faster, BECAUSE you HAVE to keep up if you don't want to get lost in there!! I learned a lot from these three during our running talks through the Ancaster trails and I am definitely better because of it. How LUCKY for me! I hope they all get something out of it too, haha.

Just one last note to share. On January 18th I will be travelling to Haiti with 10 other individuals, organized by Esther Pauls, and I'm SOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to it! The trip will last 8 days, and will involve mission work, sight-seeing, and putting on a 10k road race for the Haitian people. I do not think it is going to be easy at all. But I feel called there in a way. I feel like I can bring quite a lot to this adventure, and I could take away so much more, to my students, to my friends and colleagues, to my family, and to my whole life. I a looking forward to experiencing life from a perspective that is so starkly different from the one I am familiar with. I am also looking forward to meeting some of the children there, and sharing some special toys and tokens with them. I am excited for January!!!!

Things that are fun? Seasonal blog backgrounds :).

Next time I'll write about something less self-indulgent and more thought provoking.

Giving Thanks

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
-Epictetus

As I have done each and every Thanksgiving holiday for my entire life, I spent this past weekend in Muskoka with my family to celebrate the season, colours, and all that I have been blessed with in my life.

Kimberly and I began the trek to Bala around 7:30 Friday night. One coffee stop, several jujubes and pringles eaten, a bunch of slow downs around Toronto, and 3 DMB cd's later, we pulled into the driveway at 10:30. I hate driving up in the dark. The trip seems so much longer, and I find it harder to see, even with my glasses. Still, we made it safe and sound, and didn't even have to pee that bad (trust me, this is an ongoing issue with our long drive trips!).

The weekend was nothing short of perfect. The weather was stunning: Saturday brought a beautifully sunny 15C day with a small breeze (although a -2C night!), and Sunday was a balmy 18C with a cloudless sky full of sun. Although I like Thanksgiving to be a bit cooler, no one could really complain about how beautiful it was and how lucky we were for it to not be snowing (like it did last year)!

There are certain traditions my family insists on keeping to each year. Kimberly and I absolutely MUST tour the lake in the canoe. Kimberly, Dad, and I (and sometimes Mum) MUST go on the annual walk along the rail road tracks to the road which leads to the Old Lot, where Grandpa and his brothers started cottaging back in the late 50's. We MUST collect milkweed pods and open them so that their fluffy, feathery insides float on the wind across the lake or down the tracks. Kimberly MUST go about our property and beyond collecting brightly coloured leaves, wild flowers, and bulrushes to include in the center piece for the Thanksgiving meal. We MUST recognize and appreciate how lucky we are to have what we have and the ability to do any of the things listed here (and not listed here).

I am lucky to be able to spend Thanksgiving in Muskoka each and every year I live. I also know I am lucky to have been able to go there for every spring, summer, and fall for just as long. I am lucky. Many people are not nearly as lucky as me. My family laid out a scrumptious meal on Sunday evening. Mum made sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, turnip, salad, cooked carrots, beans, chicken for the meat eaters, and vegetarian parallel's for me. I made a concoction comprised of butternut squash, spaghetti squash, onions, and red peppers. For desert, apple pie. We are lucky. This past week, Kimberly participated in a poverty awareness event, aimed at highlighting the NEED to increase the funds provided to those on social assistance in Ontario (Hamilton) by no less than $100 per month. She was able to eat only the food included in the bag of groceries provided to her on Monday of last week. It was a meagerly-sized offering, containing many items low in nutrition, mainly fruits/vegetables and fiber, and high in sodium, preservatives, and disappointment. Participating in this project opened all of our eyes to the desperate need to do several things: 1) Increase social assistance funding to those who need it by no less than $100 ( a modest beginning in my opinion); 2) stalk the shelves of our food banks with more nutritious foods that will provide families, many of which have young growing children, with more adequate meals that will help them to grow and have healthy bodies like anyone else. After her week of participating in this poverty awareness-raising project, Kimberly may have appreciated our Thanksgiving meal on Sunday the most.

I am thankful for so many things this year. I am thankful for my family, who are always there for me when I need them, even when I seem to push them away or do not pay as much attention to them as I should. I am thankful for each and every one of my friends. I am not going to list them all here because they know who they are. Each of them has supported me through both great times and times that were less great this year. We got to celebrate many things together, and enjoy many of life's simple pleasures, such as nights out, coffee's, concerts, hockey games, work experiences, marriages, running goals and achievements, and so so so much more. I am thankful to live in Canada, where the weather isn't a daily threat to my well being, and natural disasters such as earthquakes, mudslides, forest fires, tsunami's, or volcanic eruptions are non-existent. I am thankful for my job, where I get to work with the most amazing and inspiring kids I'll ever hope to meet. I am thankful for running, and how it makes and keeps me healthy in mind, body, and soul. I am thankful for our cottage in Bala. I am thankful for all my past opportunities in life which lead me to this very moment, and I am thankful for the moments that are yet my future destinations. I am thankful for all the things that went wrong this year, and for all the lessons that came from them. I am just very thankful... for everything.

It is now 10:50 on Thanksgiving night. In one hour and ten minutes, Thanksgiving will be over. What I hope is that the awareness of good fortunes that dominates this day do not end with the setting and rising of the sun. I hope that when the clock turns to 12am Tuesday morning, we all continue to acknowledge our graces and blessings, and express these to those whom deserve them. To our families, our friends, our co-workers, or to a higher being. I hope that today is not the only day we express our thanks, just because that's what the day is called. We need to say thank you the whole year long, not just at particular times of the year. I am going to start doing more of this. Will you?

Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick, at least we didn't die;
so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha

Lulu Wisdom

Yes. It was me you saw among the thousands of crazies who lined up in downtown Hamilton this past weekend hoping to get a deal on what is normally ridiculously expensive active ware. In my defense though, my girlfriends and I waited no longer than 45 minutes to get in (we went Thursday right after school, which seemed to work out marvelously), AND how could anyone pass up $25 compression socks sold for just $4 lousy bucks?! Really, it was the dinner afterwards with my friends that I liked best about that day. I have wonderful friends, no doubt about it.

Anyway, my purchase came with one of those nifty re-usable Lululemon bags... I'm sure you've seen one at some point or another. It's bold red and white logo can be seen being carried by trendy girls at colleges and universities across the country. Even if they only bought a headband, carrying this parcel holder somehow says something about them. It tells people they're fit, they care about their physical health. What I think it says about them is they paid waaaaaaaaaaaayyy too much for a sweater or headband or pants or shorts just to have a little "status". Maybe I did the same thing this past weekend. No, I definitely did. At least I can find a little comfort in the fact that mine was 50% off ;).

But back to the bag. I've seen it a thousand times, but never really paid much attention to its details. Turns out this shopping bag is more than your average bag. This bag is very wise and fortunately shares some very valuable advice for those who care to read. I think the words printed on this bag are pretty motivating, if not inspiring. I am going to share the advice printed on this bag with you here....

Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain

Breathe deeply and appreciate the moment. Living in the moment could be the meaning of life.

Friends are more important than money.

Stress is related to 99% of all illness.

That which matters most should never give way to that which matters least.

Take various vitamins. You never know what small mineral cal eliminate the bottleneck to everlasting health.

Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.

Life is full of setbacks. Success is determined by how you handle setbacks.

Do one thing a day that scares you. Drink fresh water and as much water as you can. Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp.

Creativity is maximized when you're living in the moment.

Nature whats us to be mediocre because we ave a greater chance to survive and reproduce. Mediocrity is as close to the bottom as it is to the top, and it will give you a lousy life.

Listen, Listen, Listen, and then ask strategic questions. Write down your short ad long-term goals four times a year. Two personal, two business, and two health goals for the next 1. 5 and 10 years. Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer.

The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.

Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself. Wat we do to earth, we do to ourselves.

the conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive thoughts.

Children are the orgasm of life. Just like you did not know what an orgasm was before you had one, nature does not let you know how great children are until you have them.

Successful people replace e words 'wish', 'should', and 'try', with "I WILL"

The world is changing at such a rapid rate that waiting to implement changes will leave you 2 steps behind. DO IT NOW.
Sweat once a day to regenerate your skin.

DANCE, SING, FLOSS, AND TRAVEL.

Visualize your eventual demise. It can have an amazing effect on how you life for the moment.

Don't trust that an old age pension will be sufficient.

Communication is complicated. We are all raised in a different family with slightly different definitions of every word. an agreement is an agreement only if each party knows the conditions for satisfaction and a time is set for satisfaction to occur.

a daily hit of athletic induced endorphins gives you the power to make better decisions, helps you be at peace wit yourself and offsets stress.

Do not use cleaning chemicals on your kitchen counter or floors. Someone will inevitably make a sandwich on your counter.


Namaste.


(does anyone read this anymore?)

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

"I will run and I'll run and I'll be ok"
- DMB, "The Stone"



Running training has been a little bit crazy on the good side lately. I'm not quite sure where this sudden onset of me being a "good" runner came from, but it's been here for a while now and doesn't show any signs of leaving. Maybe it's the trails I ran all summer. Maybe it's me caring that much more. Maybe it's just general overall improvement.

Whatever it is, I am most definitely running harder, running better, running faster, and I am for sure a whole lot stronger!

And it's pretty great. This past Monday, Steve and I met in the cold rain to run from the Runner's Den to the gazebo on the Bayfront trail and back for a 9k'ish tempo. We averaged a pace of between 5:15-4:45/k the whole run, and it didn't at all feel uncomfortable... if felt awesome!

It's such a great thing when you are able to realize what you are capable of. I never thought I'd ever run a marathon, let alone finish one. I never thought I'd ever run 3-4 long distance races a year, let alone put in the time and training required just to get me to the starting lines. But here I am, nearing the completion of another 13 weeks of training for my 3rd half-marathon, coming up on November 7th.

Once you realize what your body can do, you adopt a whole new appreciation for it. Training for races of the distances I tend to run (21.1k, 30k, 42.2k...), you come to appreciate your legs when they are shin splint-free, or when your toes aren't bruised and blistered. You tend to appreciate just a little bit more waking up at o'clock's that come after sunrise. You appreciate days when you do not smell like a sweaty old sock, or when you don't have to rush home to gobble up a peanut buttered bagel and out the door to run for 6.

At the same time, all of the things I've mentioned here are the very things that I LOVE about running and keep me addicted. Not just these things, though... so much more. A lot of the additional things I love about running actually have not a whole lot to do with the act of running itself. Of course I do love the feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction following a great run. I also love pushing myself to my limit for that day, and surprising myself a lot of the time. But aside from that, there is more. I love the camaraderie I have been able to develop. Most immediately, Julie, Breeann, Steve, and Kathy are the people who externally motivate me to get my ass to the Den (or wherever we're meeting that day), lace up, and get moving (usually at a very fast pace, especially when Kathy's there!). We've become such great friends, but we probably wouldn't have if it weren't for our sport. That's what's amazing about running... It brings so many different kinds of people together, from all different walks of life. That's something to behold. I've been so lucky to meet an amazing array of people through running, from teachers to business people to students to lawyers to nurses to doctors to store owners to free spirits just wanting to live unbound to anything. It's amazing.

Running also brings it's athletes to amazing places. You can run anywhere and everywhere, and that is something not all sports can offer it's participants. All you need are your running shoes, a bottle of water, and the determination to start and to finish. That's it. It can bring you to amazing spots you never knew your city held. Running the trails out of Ancaster this spring and summer opened my eyes to how lucky we are to have in our backyard.... Beautiful, luscious forest trails, littered with wildlife, beautiful brilliance. And challenge.

Road 2 Hope is approximately 5 weeks away. I am running the 5k on Saturday, November 6th, and the half-marathon on Sunday, November 7th. As the days dwindle (37 to go!), and along with it training (hooray for the tapering period!), I find myself growing more and more excited to inch up to that starting line and blast through the finish. I am aiming for a half-marathon time of 1hr 50 mins to 1hr 55 mins. This will be a challenge for me... it will require a pace of 5:15 for 21.1k, and my fastest half-marathon was only 1hr 59 mins, in Mississauga this past May.

But I believe I have a good chance at this. And, if training continues the way it has been moving these past several months, I will be well on my way to meeting my Boston by 2014 goal.

What makes YOU happy?

Ology

I still have mono and, as such, am completely drained. So here I present you with a mindless, yet informative, survey that popped up on my Facebook news feed. Learn lots about me, you will.....

***********FOODOLOGY***************

What is your salad dressing of choice?
- Balsamic Vinaigrette

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
- Ichiban Sushi (in Burlington) and most recently Fresh (in Toronto)

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
-

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
- Onions. Feta. Spinach. Broccoli. Tomato.

What do you like to put on your toast?
- Peanut butter. Always peanut butter.

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many televisions are in your house?
- 4. Although I don't watch any of them.

What colour is your cellphone?
- Back. And I hate my cellphone.

Do you have an iPod?
- Indeed.

***************BIOLOGY******************

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
- Righty.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
- Myself, for 18k of running.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
- Nope.

************BULLOLOGY**************

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
- Well.... Having an anxiety disorder, knowing what's coming next is very important to me. Having said that, I would not like to know how or when I'm going to kick the bucket.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
-I wouldn't. I like me.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
- No, but $1001, yes.

**************FAVOURITOLOGY****************

Season?
- Autumn.

Holiday?
- Definitely Christmas.

Day of the week?
- Saturday.

Month?
- November.

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone?
- Not entirely. Or at all.

Mood?
- Tiiiiiiiired.

What are you listening to?
- Dave Matthews Band <3 .

Current worry?
- I'm confused, "worry" is not pluralized....

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning?
- Runner's Den

What's the last movie you saw?
- 500 Days of Summer.

Do you smile often?
- I've been known.

***************OTHEROLOGY*****************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
- Lots. But I rarely wear them.

Last person you talked to?
- Kimberly.

Last person you hugged?
- Julie

Do you always answer your phone?
- (.................not always :|...................)

It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
- I'm going with Kim.

If you could change your eye colour what would it be?
- I wouldn't dream of doing that.

Do you own a digital camera?
- Indeed.

Have you ever had a pet fish?
- Nope.

Favourite Christmas song?
- Silent Night

Your wish list for your birthday?
- Health and happiness. (and a Phaneuf/Komisarek jersey ;).

Can you do push ups?
- 10!

Can you do the splits?
- During the skating days.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
- BOTH

Do you have any saved texts?
- Usually, I save the ones that make me smile/laugh, or that just remind me of people. But lately, all my texts have such negative associations, I've deleted all of them (including the one's I've sent). Time to start fresh!

Have you ever been in a car accident?
- 2!

Do you have an accent?
- I DO HAVE AN ACCENT! It's a 2004 and made by Hyundai!

What was the last movie to make you cry?
- Eat, Pray, Love.

Plans tonight?
- Sleep. I have only done 2 hrs of that today (maybe mono's getting better)

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Didn't just feel it.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
- Best veggie burger and sweet potato fries from Fresh, TML key chain at the leafs game, and coffee x2.

Have you ever been given roses?
- Never :-(

Met someone who changed your life?
- LOTS!

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
- What's done is done and, without it, I wouldn't be here or who I am. Time to move forward and experience even more wonderful things (which I may wish to turn back time on).

Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
- Ears and nose.

Does anyone love you?
- I sure hope so.

Would you be a pirate?
- I don't think the dental plan's that great, so no.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
- Whatever's in my head at the time.

Ever had someone sing to you?
- Kids sing to me all the time.

When did you last cry?
- Monday through Thursday of this week. Super.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
- Dion Phaneuf.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
- Define "old". I've got a great mix <3 .

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
- I don't hate it.

Though I have a broken heart, I'm too busy to be heart broken. There's a lot of things that need to be done. Lord I have a broken heart.

Though I have a broken dream, I'm too busy to be dreaming of you. There's a lot of things that I gotta do. Lord I have a broken dream.

... I'll keep it moving on for a while....

(Tell me I'm clever. Tell me I'm kind. Tell me I'm talented. Tell me I'm cute. Tell me I'm sensitive, graceful, and wise. Tell me I'm perfect -- But tell me the truth)

Oh, and I appreciate you giving me mono. Asshole.

Reunited with Real Work

And so the working girl returned to the working world. Although she enjoyed a brief period of rest and days off, how she now basked in having a purpose once again.

Work this week was excellent.

Monday brought me to Westwood Elementary, where I got to work with Nathan in grade 4. Nathan is quite a bright young man, and was keenly interested in the fact that I work at Copps Coliseum. "YOU DO?!?! Ok, now lets make a picture of you working a Copps Coliseum. And we'll make a poster of all the things I want to see at Copps Coliseum!". During our free time in the day we did just this, and created posters for Monster Jam, Disney On Ice, Walking with the Dinosaurs, Concerts, Star Wars in Concert, Hamilton Bulldogs, and ______________. On the back, we wrote a letter to mom: "Hi Mom, it's me, Nathan. Miss P says Monster Trucks is coming to Copps Coliseum in November, and I'd like to go. Can we go? Love Nathan". I'll take things that melt your heart for $1,000! I loved my first day back with Nathan. BUT, what also made Monday great was the fact that there were FOUR kids from camp at Westwood: Russel, Zechariah, Christian, and little Alicia. I just find it to be so awesome to see camp kids in school throughout the year. I like to see the kinds of things they're working on and how far they come. I also like to see that they freak out at school the same way they freak out at camp, thereby indicating that... IT'S NOT US!

Tuesday and Wednesday each brought me to a grade 3 class at Templemead Elementary. The assignment was to work with a boy in this class who was labeled with multiple behaviour disorders, but I ended up working with another young lad with undiagnosed (and UNMEDICATED) ADD/ADHD. Our first day together was great... Brandon cooperated where I requested him to, and we got actual work done (albeit at a reduced amount). He had zero problems transitioning into and out of recess and into and out of gym. On Tuesday, Brandon received all of his 5 stickers on his "Good Behaviour" chart, and thus received a sweet snake tattoo which had is name on it. We high-fived at this and agreed we'd have another fabulous day on Wednesday. Ooooooooonly, Wednesday didn't quite turn out that way. Right from the get go, Brandon was a challenge on Wednesday. "NO" to math (until I thought it might be fun to do our work on the black board with coloured chalk... yeah, that was sweet actually). "NO" to letter writing in literacy. "NO" to eating a single bit of his lunch at first nutrition break. "NOOOOOO" to coming inside from playing basketball at second nutrition break. And here's where the fun part starts. In addition to the attention deficit and hyperactivity, Brandon also struggled with a little OCD. The previous three recesses we shared together over the past two days didn't bring any problems because when I told him "ok, 5 more shots and then we're going in", he would get at least one of those shots in the basket. Shot in basket = cycle complete = perfection = peace of mind = ok, let's move on. Only this recess, not a single basket was going in. To be sure, each shot he took was getting further and further away, and Brandon was growing more and more frustrated and angry. So I called for assistance from another EA who knew Brandon more than myself (it can be really hard as a supply, coming into a set of behaviours which have been established for MUCH longer than I have known the student). The two of us tried, but eventually we called for the assistance of another teacher. We tried everything, after which I was asked if I have my NVCI? "I have expired NVCI, is that helpful?". Luckily, though, the VP was able to coax Brandon inside for a cheese string and yogurt tube. Brandon and I made it back to the portable (p.s. we were in a portable ;), but upon arrival he was very adamant that he was not going inside to do work. So we stayed outside and chatted for a little bit, before he swiftly walked away from me back towards the basketball net (without a ball, I might add). The same 4 ladies who helped me earlier came to my assistance once more, and eventually we had Brandon inside... again... in the Snoozlen room for a cool down. We managed to get through the day, though. Poor guy. He's got some major challenges in life, even aside from the diagnoses and labels. Maybe I'll get to work with Brandon again.

Thursday and Friday. PARKVIEW! HOME SWEET HOME!!! The students were uber pumped to see me back ("MISS! Are you here to work today? YES! I didn't think you were coming back!"). Those students are my favourite students of all the students on earth. Challenged as they may be, in so many ways you cannot even begin to imagine (beyond the academic struggles and into socioemotional ones unphathomable to you and I), they are the BEST. I have so much faith in them, it's crazy. I love them all so much, and to be back there these past two days was simply awesome. Here's to many more throughout the year!

NOTE: If you're reading this (which I doubt, haha) and are able to donate any good condition, "young people's" clothing to the students of this school, that would be beyond awesome. ALSO, the auto teacher is looking for old bikes. If you've outgrown a bike or just have one you don't need or want anymore, PLEASE let me know. Parkview would love to have it <3 .

I had a wicked week of running this week. Just wicked.

Walk a Mile is tomorrow morning.

And I'm pretty sure this is strep throat. SUPER.

I have the best friends.

"Excuse me, could you please remove your body from mine, it's grossing me out. It's grossing me out a lot. K, thanks.... No no, I meant it"

I was just reading the last two blogs I wrote and now find myself fairly disappointed with me. They are horrendously written. Sorry you had to sit through that. IF you sat through that, I should say.

I just had the most OVERDUE fun night with my girlfriends I've had in SUCH long time. And I drank too much wine, and felt significantly barftastic at the club, BUT! as it turns out... PIZZA is medicine, and it can cure the common barfiness! THAT'S not in the doctor's book of home remedies, NOR is it learned in medical school! It's just lived experience, which tonight...... this morning..... is proving it's testimony. Good job pizza. You get an A for awesome. And yummy.

I love my friends. I love my friends SO much. I don't deserve such goodness, but if it's here, I'll take it and be thankful.

I can't believe Angelo is 25 and can get INTO Sizzle, now. I remember when he was a friggin scrawny, long-haired pipsqueak hawking at Copps. Oh my gawd, I feel so old. But tonight someone thought I was 23, so YAY for that!

Hess is one strange, disgusting, entertaining place. I hate it. But "turns out, not where but who you're with that really matters". And man did I have great company. That being said, I cannot help but continue my dialogue on the slimeballiness of the men... actually, "men" is stretching it... boys is more like it.... at these kinds of places. The title of this particular blog is what I said to someone who approached me at Sizzle. I understand that a large part of going to clubs is purely sexual... girls in risqué clothing (which is supposed to "enhance" their "assets", but really is usually either falling off because they don't fit into the attire properly, or is just flat out disgusting and ugly, but hey it's short/revealing, so it works), or boys with a particularly "swauve" appearance. People actually go there to "pick up". But not everyone. Some go to simply dance, have a fun time, and drink as they may, as my friends and I were doing on Saturday. But several groups of guys who fit the "clubbing profile" approached us throughout our evening hoping for what I was assuming SexyTime Fun, which we were not at all interested in. And what's with this not taking no for an answer? Let me tell you... if you're not going to listen to me the first time I ask you to stop, I'm not going to say "OH! I got ya! Go ahead, I don't mind you rubbing yourself all over me, even though I don't know a single thing about you other than RIGHT NOW, you smell like you haven't bathed in a week (OR a department store cologne counter!). Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm OK with it. I respect myself a bit too much to be ok with that grossness.

My feet will never let me wear those shoes ever again. Kim, I appreciate the piggy back offer, but I told you, like I told Mike... my legs cannot spread that wide in that skirt. Hopefully I do not wake up with hepatitis tomorrow (*crosses fingers*)

I love you girls <3

For Every Thing There is a Season

"It strikes! one, two, three, four, five, six. Enough, enough, dear watch, Thy pulse hath beat enough. Now sleep and rest; Would thou could'st make the time to do so too; I'll wind thee up no more." - Ben Jonson


I absolutely love autumn. It is my most favourite of all the seasons. I love the fresher, crisp air. I love the smell. I love to just stare out at the beautiful coloured trees from look outs anywhere I can find them. I love that I get to wear hats and scarves, and cozy clothes. I love to share hot beverages with friends and talk and talk until we've exhausted all topics (that doesn't really happen with me, though). I love running in autumn. I love having my birthday in autumn. I love the fresh new start to a school year, full of possibilities and endless opportunities. I love watching CFL football on Sundays in autumn, and being up north for Thanksgiving. I love Halloween. I love everything about autumn.

So why am I having such a hard time accepting the end of summer? Maybe because it fleeted me so ridiculously fast this year. Maybe because I wish it were longer. Maybe because I love the kids who come to camp so infinitely. Maybe because, even though I was exhausted for 80% of it, I still really, really enjoyed everything I got to do, from coffee talks, to trips to Marine Land, to hikes, to sleep outs at camp, to running training, to just reading a book in peace. I loved the longer days too.... I could get home from work, shower and clean up, and be out for 7 with at least 2hours of day light to spare, to enjoy and play with. I like an early sunrise and the bird songs, as the robins that live in our front tree (and subsequently poop on my car) busied themselves with finding breakfast and flutter around. I really liked that I got to go to work outside at camp, to enjoy the sunshine and do awesome things like canoeing, archery, and swimming with the BEST kids I could ever hope to know. Even though I didn't think I was enjoying camp as much this year, based on what I'm feeling now, and my level of unsettledness in it, I did enjoyed it very much. In retrospect, what I didn't like was the heat.

But it's something in and of the changing of seasons that always promotes mixed feelings within me. I do definitely love the promise of a new beginning with the dawn of a new season. I love to dream about all the wonderful things that a new season will bring. I love to make my "to do" list at the start of every new season, and I love to check items off the list as I accomplish them as time progresses. By the same token, I am no good with letting go or saying goodbye. Especially if I am enjoying something very much. Although I really did not like the heat of summer (which was especially heated this year!), I loved everything I got to experience over the last two months. I got to spend it with amazing people, both big and small, and I got to do things I hadn't done in years. There are parts of this summer I probably will not recall in a couple weeks, and maybe I am not even remembering some parts of it as I write this now. But those things which I do remember I remember because of their impact on my being. I remember them because I either learned something, I had a ton of fun, I got to experience something new, or I got to share in an amazing moment for someone else I was with. And because of all of these things, I have come to love and cherish the memories I have of them now.

When I love something, I love it quite deeply. I don't even try at this, it is a naturally occurring Christine Pastrak phenomenon (what can I say, I'm a Scorpio ;). So when I say I have loved everything I got to do and people I got to do it with, I mean it in the truest sense. And this is lovely and all, but it does leave me in quite the predicament when I have to say goodbye to it all. To me, it feels like breaking up with someone you love. Because I come to love these things so much, when the season changes and I have to say goodbye to the season that brought me so many wonderful things, I feel sad. Like I've been abandoned in a way. Which is silly when you think about it. It's not like that is the end of all wonderful things to ever happen to me. You can see from my list of reasons why I love autumn so much that wonderfulness is inescapable. But I still feel uneasy about it.

Camp ends at 4pm each and every day in the summer. Kids and counsellors board their respective buses and it drives them to their stop and they go home. This scenario occurs every day, Monday to Friday for 9 weeks in the summer. A lot of the time, depending on the kind of day had, the bus ride home can be the best part of the day. But on the last day of camp, it's quite somber. Because it isn't going to come back to camp the next day, or even after the weekend. It's going to rest up for the first day of school 4 days later. The kids on the bus, on the last day of camp, are always especially good at following the bus rules (i.e. staying in their seats, looking forward, bags out of the aisle, no drinking or eating, etc).... that's when you know you've done a good job being a "meanie" all summer. The bus drops you off, you say thank you to the driver, and camp is officially over for another year. Just like that.

It was strange to live this Sunday today. I did the usual things, like go to the gym for my Total Body Tone class (I'm in love with it!), came home and made eggs, toast, and coffee for breakfast. I did some laundry and read my book. I met a friend for coffee and enjoyed listening to her goings on and sharing mine with her. This is a typical summer Sunday for me. Minus one thing... I did not have to complete a phone call home to the home of the camper I would be working with for the coming week. I usually hate this part of the job, actually. I'm terrible on the phone, and anyone who's talked to me on the phone can vouch for this! On the phone, I'm the worst interrupter, and renown for awkward silences and babbling on just to fill the void (NOTE: it's because I can't see you. I am fairly dependent on reading body language, facial expressions, and gestures for cues on when to speak, and these are not visible through phone conversations. If you can deal with this aspect of my being, I think you're awesome). For my camp job, though, it's a critical part of my week. I need to talk to my campers' parents in order to determine several things, like how accurate is the child's profile compared (which could have been composed some time ago) to where they are today, what strategies are best to calm them down during anxious moments, or what medical needs need to be taken care of during their week at camp. Even though it's important, I hate doing it all summer long, due to my "phone disability". But today... I would have given anything to be able to make one of these calls. It would have meant I could work and hang out with yet another Out-Of-This-World kid, who makes my life so fulfilling.

I know that once I get back into the routine of normal work and school year goings on I will be just fine. It will be nice to be able to not have to shower immediately upon my arrival at home each day, and to be able to wear makeup without it melting off before I even arrive at work each day. I know this school year is going to bring me so many awesome things, new kids, new challenges, new opportunities, and new friends. I am going to be able to revisit schools I already have relationships at, like Parkview, Glenwood, R. L. Hyslop, and Sherwood, and it will be fantastic to hear about the summers of the people I know there. I get to be a part of Walk a Mile for Reach for the Rainbow (ask me how you can sponsor me!!) I'm going to get to run the half-marathon for Road 2 Hope on November 7th (come cheer for me!), and I'm going to relish every second of training for it (truly, I race so that I can train, which is where I feel the most satisfaction in running). Maybe I'm going to get to enjoy Halloween for the first time in several years because I won't be running a marathon the next morning. I'm going to have Thanksgiving in Muskoka, and a birthday, CFL playoffs to watch, and the start of hockey season. Great things are coming, that is absolutely for sure.

Saying goodbye to one era is still a challenge for me, but it always has been and I presume it always will be. It's who I am. And who I am, I very much like. I guess, in the end, I am lucky to feel so strongly about the things I do in life, because it means I get everything I can out of them. I don't let the things I love slip away so easily. I don't just skim the surface, I dive deeper for a greater appreciation. I like that I do this, even if it can be hard.

At the bottom of this blog, you will find a movie I made. It is of the various kids that crossed my path as a 1:1 counsellor this summer. It is only a rough draft at this point, because I made it before I had all my pictures transferred from my camera to my laptop. I still love it very much though, and I hope it puts a smile on your face, too. If nothing else, I hope you come to notice how lucky I am to have met and worked with these kids.

I am going to take the next week off. Labour Day doesn't count as one of the days, it's a statutory holiday, so really I'm taking 4 days off. I definitely need this... I've just completed an entire year of work with no vacation whatsoever. "But Christine, no Christmas break? No March break?" Nope. Because I have several jobs, what is "break time" for most people hasn't been the same for me... For a couple years now I have worked over Christmas and March breaks for the Y because I'd get to work with kids from camp. So even during Christmas break, the last couple years I've only really had a couple days off. I'm not going to do this to myself anymore. I don't think it's anything to boast about in telling people I just worked 52 weeks in a row without a proper rest that wasn't a weekend (even long weekends do not count). I cannot be any good to anyone if I do not take care of myself first, so I'm taking the next several days off of work completely. I'm sure I'll be going stir crazy over this by noon on Wednesday, just because I'm a doer. I cannot sit idle (hence the workaholic status ;). I think it would be good for me though. So here I go! I need to take a trip this year. A real, big girl trip, something I haven't done yet. I should get my passport first!

I appreciate you reading this. You must be really bored to make it to the end. Thanks for humouring me, you're great.

"But if summer doesn't end, Christine, you can't have things like Halloween, Christmas, and snow days. Summer has to end so that we can build snow forts, ok?"
-Cameron, age 7

(Version 1)



(Version 2)

Week 9 - Luigi and Summer's Conclusion

"PARTEE....FRIIII!! HAPPY BIRDA PARTEE!!"
No, no Luigi... not Happy Birthday Party, Happy Summer Party

"HAPPY SUMMA PARTEE!!"

I've worked with Luigi the past two summers at a week each. My first year, he was a lot more behavioural and aggressive, and was one of the most challenging campers I had all summer in 2008. Last year he was sick most of the time, and slept, but definitely showed me that he had grown up and matured quite a lot. When I found out I would be with Luigi last Friday, I was super excited to see how much further he had come since my summer working with him in 2009.

Luigi is a brilliant young boy. He sees things in our world (and pays acute attention to them) that the rest of us would never even glance at. He can find the simplest joy in something really quite ordinary (a lesson he taught me and which I appreciate so, so much).

Monday morning Luigi arrived at camp looking quite sleepy and determined to find the most comfortable location to plop himself for a little while. I determined this based on the sleep crust he still had in the corners of his eyes and his level 7.5 (of 10) bed head he was sporting. Luigi has terrible allergies, and with the extreme heat and humidity we were graced with with the first part of this week this just seemed to be magnified for him. But he did stay with his group ALL day on Monday. ALL DAY!! In the past, Luigi has sort of been the commander of his own show. If I made him a visual daily schedule, he'd review it and then begin to rearrange the schedule created so that it read: swimming, swimming, swimming, lunch, swimming, swimming, swimming, bus, home. So this was a wonderful improvement. He sat with the group during ice breaker games, which lasted a good hour. THIS was also a marked improvement... he sat for an hour, and not because he was sleeping. He sat with his group and observed all that was happening, and didn't fuss or grumble. He did so awesome with transitioning from activity to activity this whole week, and didn't even need a visual schedule whatsoever!
It was 40C with humidity on Monday, and Luigi came to camp wearing long warm-up pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. During recent weeks, he and his family had taken a cruise to Alaska, and what he had been wearing during this time was cooler weather clothes. But when he came home he refused to wear his summer clothes again. His mum had written me a letter explaining this situation and said I could try to get him changed if I felt up to it, but not to worry if he was adamant about not changing. Our only "challenging" moment this week took place on Monday afternoon, where Kim and I (and Kylie for a small bit) attempted to convince Luigi to change into his shorts and t-shirt. It was really quite dramatic... he flayeld, he screamed, he smooshed himself into the bean bag chair. And 15 minutes passed and he was fine again. We picked up our things and marched on HOT march over to the senior pavilion for songs and bus departure. He did, however, look at me and say "hot" while we were there, and he pulled out his t-shirt and changed into it. 4.5 minutes later he was changing back into his long sleeved shirt. At least he tried it out!
But his allergies were absolutely terrible on Monday, and it prevented him from coming to camp at all on Tuesday. I was pretty bummed.

Wednesday rolled around and so did Luigi, still fairly congested, tired, and irritable. BUT, he WAS wearing shorts and a t-shirt, so HOLLA to that! Luigi had a stellar Wednesday, despite the boringness of the day overall. Theme day is actually not something that is fun, especially for kids like Luigi who thrive on structured activities that do not involve running and playing various kinds of tag in 38C heat. Swimming was especially wonderful on Wednesday just for this reason. On this day, Luigi also threw his water mask over the swimming barrier/wall and, despite my long-armed reach to save it, it sunk too fast and is now collecting slime at the bottom of Christie Lake. As are two Hot Wheels cars and a whack load of glow in the dark gimp.

Thursday was also awesome. Although he was still really tired, and he spent his entire morning sleeping in a storage container all morning. It was quite a humourous site to see... Luigi lying in a storage container with the lid on top and just his legs sticking out. Various kids walked by him on their way to the washroom and asked why he was in there. Straight-faced, I told them he wasn't doing a good job listening and so I stuffed him in there. They quickly did their business and ran back to their groups ;).
Friday. We knew it would come eventually. It was not just any Friday. It was the last Friday of camp. Of the summer. There was a certain gloom and doom about the day, aside from what was stormy weather at times. Counsellors had checked out about a week ago (if they weren't already burnt out by week 3). Nothing was really going on. Luigi and I spent some time sitting and watching the rain fall. We shared a TON of hugs and special moments <3 style="font-weight: bold;">hands down the fastest flying summer of my entire life. I vividly remember sitting in training with Katherine in June thinking about how 9 weeks seems so daunting. Now it's the day after the last day of those 9 weeks, and I cannot begin to comprehend how short this whole summer seemed to be. It was such an amazing summer though. I got to work with 9 A-M-A-Z-I-N-G kids this summer, each of whom helped me strengthen my own skills working in this field. I got to work with the best staff in all of camp, who were always there if I needed help with anything, or to just share in a laugh or wonderful moment. And even though I am extremely exhausted right now because of it all, and have been virtually all summer, I would never for a second trade any of it in for a different life. I love each and every kid to come to Helping Hands, and I love the people I work with. And my using the word "love" is not intended lightly. I can honestly say I love these kids and people in every sense of the word. This is why camp's end is so hard for me... I am not going to see these people on a daily basis anymore. Camp's conclusion happens so abruptly... You get on the school bus, and it drives you home. You can't linger behind because the bus will leave without you, and it's a long hike home. But it has to happen.

On the way home yesterday, Cameron, who is 7, told me this about summer ending: "But if summer doesn't end, Christine, you can't have things like Halloween, Christmas, or snow days. Summer has to end so that we can make snow forts, ok?". Well, I like Halloween, I like Christmas, and I like snow days and snow forts. So it's not such a terrible thing, this change of seasons. But it still makes me really sad.
Anyhow, I don't have a camper's house to call this weekend, or paper work to complete. I'm just going to enjoy doing nothing for the next week, then jump into school board work once more.

I am extremely thankful for every aspect of Summer 2010.

Kudos' of the week:
1. To Alicia who had one amazing week with Matthew!!
2. To Kylie who toughed it out with Peruvian something or other and still came to work
3. To Kailee who had to spend the last week downtown :-(
4. To Christina Wood and Kim for being amazing bosses to the HH team ALL summer
5. To Kortnie who did a sweet job distracting Gregor during his most expressive moments
6. To the entire Helping Hands team for working so hard and contributing to my summer. I love you all very much.

Week 8 - Super Ben!

"Hey guys, guys, stop yelling at each other. Don't you just wanna have fun? Come on, le'ts play and have some fun, it's camp!"

Ben is that ONE in 6,000 (some experts say 10,000) infants to be born with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy). He can only move his right arm and head "freely", and even this has major limitations. If his head falls off the neck support on his motorized wheelchair, he can't pick it back up and put it into place on his own. He cannot sit up unsupported or on his own. He needs to be fed through a G-Tube in order to ensure his stomach directly receives all the nutrients he requires. This tummy "B-Line" is also a direct route for water... 60mL every hour, so his bowels receive enough to function properly. He can be in constant pain and not tell you, because he doesn't want to be a burden. If he somehow becomes infected with a respiratory infection, he will inevitably get pneumonia and be at risk of death (because his muscles in this area are so weak, he would not be able to fight off the infection). Ben has already outlived his life expectancy.

What is SMA? Well, as mentioned, it affects only one infant in every 6,000-10,000. Spinal Muscular Atrophy is a disorder that affects the control of muscle movement. It is caused by a loss of motor neurons in the spinal cord and the brain stem. The loss of motor neurons leads to weakness and wasting (atrophy) of muscles used for activities such as crawling, walking, sitting up, and controlling head movement. In severe cases of SMA, the muscles used for breathing and swallowing are affected. There are four types of SMA, and Ben has the fourth on the list: Distal Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1. This form of the disorder is characterized by progressive muscle weakness in the hands and feet, soon spreading to the limbs. Individuals with this type of SMA usually develop paralysis of the muscles which separate the abdomen from the chest cavity, which later leads to respiratory failure. Symptoms for this type of SMA begin to show between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 months. It is terminal.

Not that ANY of this stops Ben! To be quite sure, NONE of it stops Ben from living a life that is as fulfilling as yours or mine. Ben is not a regular kid, and this isn't just because of the physical challenges he lives with. Ben is BY FAR, the most enthusiastic, encouraging, respectful, brilliant six-and-a-half year old I have ever encountered. I have encountered a butt-load of six-and-a-half-year olds, too.

I met Ben and his dad early Monday morning under the main pavilion at camp. Dad took me to under the trees next to the canoe's to give me the "Ben Tutorial". In about 20 minutes, I had to quickly! learn how to lift him without causing any pain, feed him and administer his water through his G-Tube in his tummy (the "B-Line of Nutrition"),and how to use the "Pee Catcher" (which was essentially a jug into which Ben would relieve his self, but was actually a bit tricky to use. You had to slouch Ben down in his chair quite a bit so you could, in fact, catch his excretions, but in this process he could experience tremendous pain from the way his body bended or got shoved). It was a whirl wind of instruction, which I was not at all taking lightly.

The great thing about Ben was that he was not afraid to tell you if you were doing something wrong! Which he did a lot of with me this week.

Ben LOVES making friends and doing anything and everything with them. He never sits on the sidelines, but rather is right in the middle of the action. Even if his chair doesn't fit somewhere, climb something, or gets stuck... He'll find a way to make things work! This week, he made especially great friends with another camper in his group named Spencer. As soon as Ben would arrive and we got all situated, he would ask me to go out on the field to find Spencer so that they could talk about what they did after camp the previous day. As you can imagine, because of Ben's condition, he would have to tote along a variety of extra "baggage" everywhere we went. Among this baggage was his two back packs, his "Tomato Chair" (which is a soft and spongy chair you can put anywhere so that Ben could get out of his wheelchair and sit on the ground/in the canoe/at a table with his friends), the pee catcher, among other things. This was a bit much for me to carry on my own, and so I got out the red wagon we had in the supply shed to put everything in and pull around with us (too many trips back and forth the pavilion is no good). Spencer immediately wanted to be a part of this. He volunteered to pull the wagon wherever we went, and didn't complain about how heavy it was once. He also volunteered to push Ben several times when Ben was in his manual chair (for certain games and one loooooong hike). On Thursday, Ben and Spencer collaborated on the beach during swim time to create a "water drainage system" from the section of the beach where Ben was sitting in his Tomato Chair all the way to the water. Ben directed Spencer to dig here, dig deeper there, and had the awesome idea to make a waterfall. Eventually there were diversions off the main system route, and as Spencer ran back and forth to get buckets of water to pour on the waterfall and down the chute, Ben hooted and hollered in praise. It was such a beautiful thing, and I luckily have a picture to remember it by.

Ben is quite the dare devil! All week I called him "Evil Kanevil Jr. Jr.", because he would put his chair speed up as far as it could go, shoot off in a flash and just do circles around the main field! He'd chase seagulls or try to just do funny tricks. Sometimes he'd be going so fast and hit a divit in the ground, only to be left flopped over to one side of his chair stuck and unable to pull himself up (Christine to the rescue!!). We'd have a short talk about how much that freaks my freak and that unless he wants me to have a heart attack he should make a better choice ;). Then he'd shoot off again and have a fake flopping over. I'd run over, not knowing of his "trick", only to find his tongue hanging out and his eyes to one side, haha. When I made mention of calling the ambulance, he's quickly open his eyes as wide as can be and say "GOT YA!". This kid was brilliant.

Brilliant indeed. His positivity never once lagged throughout the week. When playing Elephant Ball (this is basically soccer but you have to hit the ball with just one arm as if it was an elephant trunk), and the boys began their banter about who was hogging the ball or why that goal should have counted, Ben stepped in and reminded them that "it doesn't mater who wins or loses, just have fun, this is camp!". During washroom times, he would even encourage me.... As mentioned earlier, toileting Ben can be pretty tricky... It becomes necessary to put him in awkward positions that may cause him tremendous pain. When it came time to pull everything back up and get ourselves out and to the group, I would always call an extra helper in to assist me with this. I would hold Ben up as someone else swooped his pants and underpants back into place. But on Wednesday, he had much faith in me. "Christine, you can do this. You can get my pants up all by yourself. I know you can do it, just try". So I did, and I succeeded. Just once though, haha. Thursday rolled around and it seemed that I wasn't doing the greatest job to keep Ben comfortable and, by the second time he needed to pee, he would ask me to make sure someone was on standby, haha.

I learned so much from Ben this week. In particular that I am very grateful for an able body and full control over it. I am grateful that I got to meet him and know him personally. I am grateful that he has had such an influence on my week, summer, and life. He truly is a Super Kid, and he's going to make such an enormous difference in the lives of everyone he meets.

Next Week: "No Tan Koo!"... LUIGI!

Kudos' of the Week:
1. To Luigi and Devon for doing their first every sleep out and not wanting to go home (after a while, haha)!
2. To Jackie for being a great substitute for Kylie and awesome counsellor with Zechariah
3. To all the counsellors working with the Hewitt's this week
4. To Kim (and me) for sleeping on a hard ground for the sleep out! Yay for the Princess Tent :)
5. To Jon for also surviving the sleep out, and taking those scratches and punches like a champ
6. To Vanessa for doing a stellar job with Nicholas
7. To Lindsay who had one CRAZY BUSY week of breaks!
8. To the person who invented mint chocolate chip ice cream
9. To Katherine who had better success with the washroom with her camper this week that I did last week
10. To everyone who had their last day yesterday (Danny, Farrah, Jon, John). It's been a pleasure working with you all. Stay in touch so I don't have to Facebook creep you to know what you're up to.

Week 7 - I'm On a Boat!

"I'm, I'm-a on a booooooooaaaaat!!" (Said by Rachel while canoeing on Monday morning)

AAAAAHHHHHH..... HOME SWEET HOME! I love you Chippewa, let's never be a part any week of the summer ever again until I no longer work at you!

This week I had the opportunity to work with Rachel. Rachel has been coming to Chippewa for three years now. Year one was quite the challenge. Year two a little better, but still fairly testy. So I knew what I could be up against for my week with her, also because I had worked at Rachel's school for 4 months this past academic year, several times in her classroom.

Rachel isn't a very active young lady. Perhaps 5x's as less active as Lorena, who sits around -3 on the active scale herself. Rachel did spend quite a lot of time with her group this week, which was pretty fantastic. During her past summer's at Chippewa, I am unsure as to how much time she did spend with her group, simply because she is quite possibly the MOST stubborn camper to ever come our way. If she doesn't want to do something, you are NOT going to make her do it. It will be a 8hr protest.... trust me. I make it sound like I worked magic with her... I actually did nothing of the sort. I somehow coaxed her into the Terra Trek (which makes mobility sooooooooo much easier with Rachel) to transport her here and there, but she got up and into the chair because she wanted to do something, not because I'm a particularly good convincer (I'm probably the worst out there, actually). But she did go, and she had a good time most of the time she was there. She played "sandball" (the ONLY game seniors seem to play!) and threw the ball over the net three times (and she was super proud). She canoed with friends three times this week, as well, and handled herself so well. She spent every morning with her group, and today virtually the entire day.

But the week wasn't without it's challenges.

The camp day is a long one for everyone, but perhaps it's the longest for kids for whom the camp day is longer than their regular school day. Camp buses arrive for 9am (some departing as early as 8am) and depart for home bus stops at 4pm. For a camper like Rachel, this day is far too much. Rachel's day at school starts around 9:15 and ends at 2:45. And even though dad was going to be dropping her off and picking her up each day (to avoid the early bus times and complications associated with the bus in general), her 3:30 pick up time was still a far cry from her usual routine of 2:45 departure. The day was too long. So by 12:30/1pm, she would be in a very stubborn mood, and it wasn't entirely pleasant. On many occasions this week, it became necessary for me to keep Rachel apart from the group so that she wouldn't cause harm to other kids. Other times she just wouldn't move her butt into the chair so I could transport her to where we needed to be. Still other times, she WOULD get in the chair, but would twist herself in such a magnificent way (better than any contortionist) so that she could grab and scratch at me as I pushed her across camp. That being said, I managed to escape this week with only minimal bodily harm! Still, there were times when I required the assistance of up to 4 other staff to help me get Rachel up and to where we needed to be: the washroom, flagpole, our group, canoeing, out of canoeing, or wherever. THANKS KIM, KATHERINE, KAREN, MELISSA, REBECCA, JEN AND KATIE!

On Thursday, a particularly challenging day the whole day through, I thought we should try making a sock puppet in arts and crafts. I wanted her to have something concrete to take home to show her presence at camp was not just one of a sitting duck under the pavilion. She was pretty grabby that day, and even though we were there doing the craft, I had her sitting several feet away in case she decided to grab me or anyone around us. It should be noted here that I needed to use NVCI (non-violent crisis intervention) in the washroom and under the pavilion twice already that day. I'm not quite sure just HOW she gets a person's hair around every finger twice in a matter of milliseconds, OR how she clasps her hand THAT tight, but she does. If I may quote Kim here: "NVCI works on every kid in the world.. EXCEPT Rachel!". I am here to confirm that statement. Luckily, I still have all my hair!

Anyway, I had been watching her deescalate behaviour-wise as "we" completed her craft, and I thought she had reached a point where I could reintegrate her in terms of proximity to other kids and staff. So pushed her chair over to the area where we could choose some googly eyes and a nose for her puppet. I turned my head for maybe, MAYBE, 3 seconds, and when I turned around.... Rachel had the tightest grasp of little girl hair I have ever had to break lose! There was no warning, no anything but me looking down to see my camper going in for the kill on an innocent junior camper who barely reached my waist in height. It took three of us to take care of this. Camper support to calm the little girl down and hold her hair close to her head so it didn't get ripped out. Me to redirect Rachel's one hand to hurt me instead of the little girl and both Kim and I to unclench her fingers on the young girl's hair. I hope that little girl got a freezie out of the deal!!!!!!!!

And then today was a dream day. She stayed with her group the whole day long, with a short break to listen to music and hang out with "the girls" at lunch time. She played camouflage with the group twice, canoed with two friends to "Dead Man's Cove", went to the washroom flawlessly (even when I had to leave to get items left behind), made another sock puppet (because first sock puppet got lost in the commotion of attempted murder of small children the day before), and she let me trot her back to the senior field for the rest of the afternoon. No fuss today at all, and THAT is how a Friday should be.

I'm extremely tired this week. Pushing Rachel in that chair was absolutely exhausting (she's a fairly solid young lady). The weather was pretty spectacular every day, and I loved it. But that breeze could have put me to sleep in the sun at any given moment throughout my week. This, in addition to Rachel's largely inactive week, made me daydream most of my week away. Several late nights didn't help either (I must admit though, that the social was more fun that I wanted to admit, and the drinks and conversation with Katherine and Karen afterward were wonderful). I trained pretty well for the marathon this week too, and today I'm just pooped! So my night will consist of eating pasta (22k in the morning!), watching a movie, and, if I don't fall asleep before the movie's over, sleeping for as long as I can before I wake up at 6:45 to run in the morning.

But even though exhaustion defines my life lately, I'm very happy. I just like where I am, who I know, and what I do. I am lucky to have everything I have: people, circumstances, and things.

Next week: Benjamin! NOBODY COUGH, SNIFF, SNEEZE, OR EVEN FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Kudos' of the week:
1. To Kim for just being an amazing individual I am so lucky I get to call one of my closest friends. I love you so so much!
2. To EVERYONE who helped me with Rachel this week, in getting her places, helping to pry children free, or giving me a chance to step away and take a breath.
3. To Karen Francis for sharing so many awesome insights and advice.
4. To Rebecca who circled camp again and again with Sean, and let me look for snakes with him.
5. To Michelle for having to be the only HH'er inside this week.
6. To Kaliee for "integrating" herself into every "Show your Style" performance at the social.
7. To Specialty for producing and performing THE BEST "Show your Style" to ever be performed or ever will be performed. You clearly thought about this longer than anyone else.
8. To Farrah for being so strong at work when you could have easily just given up.
9. To Chaylene for being such an AMAZING substitute for Kylie this week working with Aaron! He really loved being with you and you were so wonderful with him. You did awesome, consider HH for next summer!
10. To Kylie for all the amazing thing's she's doing in Peru for the Peruvian families and children. BUT I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!