Road 2 Hope 2010

"A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more. Nobody is going to win a 5,000 meter race after running an easy 2 miles. Not with me. If I loose forcing the pace all the way, well, at least I can live with myself." - Steve Prefontaine

Runner's of all ages and paces gathered at Saltfleet High School this morning, bright and early with the sun, preparing their minds and bodies for what they were about to experience. Today was the 4th annual Road 2 Hope Marathon and Half-Marathon in Hamilton. This race is in support of two fabulous organizations: The Joy and Hope of Haiti and City Kidz.

I braved the full marathon last year, and was originally set to do the same today. But in early August, I realized I wasn't going to be able to adequately complete a proper training regime for a November marathon, and instead chose to do the half-marathon.

I trained SUPER hard for today's race. All summer long, I pushed myself in the heat and humidity, through the woods, on the pavement, after work in the evening, and early in the morning, too. I think the only reason I race is because in order to do so you have to train. Training thrills me.... It is where I see ALL of my progress and feel ALL of my self-satisfaction and confidence. Race day's only RARELY make me feel these same things. So training is what I live for... although the medals and race shirts are pretty good too.

Today was an absolutely glorious day for running. Although cold to start (about -2ish), I found myself ripping off my gloves and vest by the 3k mark, just before entering onto the Red Hill Expressway. The sun was out for the majority of the race, and that always helps runner's feel happier in the middle of a grueling long distance run!

Our pace was pre-planned at 5:27/km. This would bring us over the finish line in 1hr 55minutes. I don't know what your thoughts are but, to me, this is FAST! And I maintained this pace for quite a while (actually, along the entire length of the Red Hill, we were running 5 minute kilometers), until about 14k or so. That brings us to the Barton St. exit of the Red Hill, where you make a left on Barton, right on Woodward, left on Beach Blvd. halfway to the lift bridge, and then follow the beach trail all the way back to a path behind Wild Water Works, and then another 400m to cross the finish line.

Anyway, I lost a lot of steam around this time. It was stop and go the rest of the way. My legs felt so heavy, and my quads and calves were slightly burning. I presume this means I didn't fuel well enough prior to the race.... I had the usual: a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter, a yogurt, and orange. I was likely burning fat instead of carbohydrate stores, which isn't good. I've felt that one other time, and that was during my first Around the Bay Road Race. It isn't much fun. It hurts actually. So I ran as far as I could but felt forced to stop every now and then to recoup my muscles. I lost so much time doing this, but I just couldn't keep it up.

I did not meet my goal time. Naturally, I was extremely disappointed with myself over this. I trained SO WELL all summer and fall, ran the distance at that pace twice in training, and only to flop on race day. It seems to be my trend (save for the Mississauga half last spring). I admittedly get a significant bout of race anxiety each time I run one. I get super excited, usually waste a lot of energy worrying and being thrilled at the same time, and this exhausts me, mentally and, eventually, physically.

Julie Menzies is my greatest running supporter and inspiration. She stayed with me the ENTIRE time, pushed me up a couple hills, and kept me in the race the whole 21.1k. I CANNOT THANK HER ENOUGH!!! She and I are quite similar. Last winter, she shared many of her experiences with me about running and racing, while training for Around the Bay. She told me that although running is something that comes more naturally for other runners, she is not one of them. And neither am I. She told me it took her 8 years to get over her own race anxiety and into a more relaxed race groove, where she could relish in great victories and PB's, and accept those races that didn't quite measure up to her expectations for what they were. I am so thankful for Julie, and I'm not quite sure how or IF I can ever repay her. All I know is that I am blessed to have met her. Very blessed.

Phyllis told me something pretty remarkable after my race today. "It means more to persevere on a hard day than to sail through an easy day. You should feel good about yourself". I admit that I am very hard on myself. I have been my whole life long, but it is because I have high expectations for my own success. And when I do not meet these expectations, I call myself a failure, even if many other great things come of the experience beyond my goal. Phyllis is right.... today I showed a lot of grit. I wanted to quit so badly, but trotted on anyhow. It was not easy for me. I was in pain. I walked a fair bit. I swore (out loud.. not the best race etiquette :S). But I pushed on, despite all of it. I think this can say a lot about a persons character. I do believe I am a dedicated individual. I do not give up on anything, even though I may really want to sometimes. So many people would love to have done what I did today but cannot, due to any number of challenges (what comes to mind is Karen, a runner and friend at the Runner's Den who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in late winter and is currently in the hospital doing less than stellar :-(..). But here I am, an able-bodied, healthy woman, who CAN do something like this. So might as well take advantage of my blessings in mind, body, and soul, and run like hell.

I am so proud of Breeann and Phyllis today. Each of them ran their hearts out and did very well in the end. I am lucky to know you girls, and to share the roads with you. I look forward to training for and running many more races with you!

I am also proud of every runner who participated in any length of race over the entire weekend, from the 5k all the way to the full marathon. It takes A LOT of dedication, determination, and courage to get one's butt to the starting line alone, never mind running the actual race with all those people surrounding you, and all the pressure. The monies raised from this race helps two amazing organizations which do really wonderful things to help the human race, and there is never anything wasted in that, even if time goals were not met. We helped people today, and that is something to celebrate!

So now it's back to regular Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday training for what is going to be my next long-distance race... Around the Bay 2011 (which will be my 3rd!). The Grimsby half-marathon will take place about a month prior to ATB, and I fully intend on bringing it at that race! But before all that, a fun 5k... The Santa Shuffle, in Burlington next month. I've managed to recruit some new running mates too... my sister Kimberly and bff Aaron! What's not fun about running with bells on your shoes in a Santa suit?!

In the end, today is what it is. I got another medal for my case, and another number for the back of my bedroom door. It was an experience I learned a lot from. And the kids will be so amazed by my shiny gold medal at school tomorrow ;).