No Pain, No Gain!

Some people say that after a while a mother can come to forget the pain experienced during child birth. She doesn't remember the hours of excruciating pressure and pushing, the screaming, and the sweating involved with pushing out a baby (there's no soft way of saying that, sorry). What remains are the thoughts of the beautiful baby and how much you love it and all the lovely things that are involved with babies.

I think I'm experiencing the exact same thing with running.

On Sunday I managed to give birth to a 30k race. And it hurt. Not "I-pushed-a-human-being-out-of-me" hurt, but it hurt (I managed to develop blisters on each of my toes from drenched shocks and the friction caused from them rubbing on my shoes each step I took). At kilometer 23 I wondered what had possessed me to do this. By the 26th K (just around Valley In Road [Heart Attack Hill] ), my legs had had it. When all was said and done, I stretched my body like I've never done it before, and it was awesome, but man! was I tired!!

Monday comes and goes, and I'm still feeling a pretty drained. And sad.... I really do feel a bit depressed that the race is now over. All that training, all that work... and now it's over. I feel a little empty, to be honest.

Tuesday... and I'm feeling physically amazing! No aches, no more sore muscles, blisters all gone! And suddenly, I have forgotten the pain of Sunday. I have a thought..... "Hmmm.... that wasn't so bad. *Light Bulb*! I'M GOING TO DO A MARATHON!" Yes, yes I am!

They say if you are going to quit running, it could be the hardest thing you will ever do. Running is addictive, and giving up an addiction is a challenge. If you are going to quit running, you have to quit running every single day. I am too weak to quit running, so intsead I will give into it, let it possess me, and make me stronger (both physially and mentally)

I am SO glad I am a runner!

Around the Bay Road Race

Holy shit..... I did it!
I can't quite believe it, but this medal I'm wearing is my own proof.
And by far, the hardest thing I've ever done!

So I woke up to crying skies. Was I impressed? Hellz no! But, I had trained in -20C, snow, ice, wind.... what's a little rain (well a lot of rain)? I thought that, if nothing else, maybe I wouldn't over heat.

Anyway, I have this issue with time. Time anxiety? Ok. So, I forced my family to get up at 7 so we could be transporting ourselves to Copps no later than 8am (it helped that Kimberly had to work at 8:30). So we get there, and the place is buzzing with chaos. And I'm not sure how well you know me, reader, but let me tell you this: Christine + Chaos = WATCH OUT! It's just my anxious biology that makes me that way. Anyway, people are taking every square inch of the concourse at Copps, and for whatever reason, none of them knew who I was and the fact that I needed to get a hat before they all sold out! So they didn't move and spread like the Red Sea as I was coming down the concourse (Note to self: Talk to Moses and see about getting a stalf). So I got the hat, and then peed (HA! I didn't wait in line like those common folk, either. I went downstairs to use the employee bathroom... Just one of the few perks that comes with employment at the Oval ;). And I'm back, eating my orange (my magic running fruit!), and am ready to go!

They call "all 30k runners might want to consider making their way to Caroline and Hess for the start of that run". Ok... I can't be late or I'll literally have a panic attack, so I say: "Later Parents", and bolt. I step outside and make my way to the starting point. And see, the best part of this whole thing, which would be the precursor to the climate of the whole race, was that it was POURING as we were making our way over, and my shoes were soaked through and through by the time I was half way to the starting line. I thought: "oh, this is going to be a good blog" . And isn't it, so far?? (I kid!)

So many of the 30k runners are there and warming up and stretching and all that stuff, as am I. But I wanted them to start to get their spots on the street... I have to place myself just right. I have fears of being trampled at the sound of the starters horn, so I have to place myself closer to the back, or at least on the side of where ever I am (an easier escape that way ;). I found a spot that I believe had my name on it... I find it, and refuse to move... for anyone. I squatted on it, actually, because that's harder to push over ;). Ha! don't they know I'm a scorpio? We don't budge for anyone!

5-4-3-2-1 - *hoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn souuuuuuuuunnnnnnnd*

Ok, so I overreacted with that trampeling I was covinced was going to occur... We literally walked over the starting line, haha. But they had loud music playing, and it totally served well to pump everyone up. Here we go!

I have a lot of intersting.... quirks when I race. Ok, they're actually compuslions that border the OCD line, but quirks sounds less severe. Anyway, I HAVE to touch every marker which tells you how far you've gone. And if I can't touch it, I have to mimic touching it. But really, I rarely miss... I cut 3 people off 3 different times today in order to do this. I don't think they were very happy about it.....

It is very hard to not go with the flow when you run long distances. It's a race, right? Why not actually race? I think it's an ego thing.... no one wants to be passed by anyone else. Normally I let that get to me... "Christine? Lose? You're clearly off your rocker!", but today, I let it go. I knew that if i went with the majority flow, I'd burn out by 15k or so, and I definetely wanted to finish. So I kept to my pace, which, I can't lie, isn't very fast (hopefully that hasn't disillusioned anyone too much).

I think what the best part of the race was all the people who lined the streets, in the rain and cold, to cheer the runners on. I cannot tell you how much this helped! They rang their bells and shook their tambourines. They held signs that told us they were proud of us, and they stood in thier driveways cheering us on up the Northshore Blvd. hills (which, can I add, kept me going up one monstrous hill in particular!) I appreciate those people very much!!

Ok so now I'm at the marker for 21k (touch) and all of a sudden.... wait.. what.... I'm drying off a bit! Has... has it stopped raining?? YES! it's actually a bit brighter, too! HOLLA! So Brian had told me to think dry thoughts, and I did, and they worked, which basically means I am a very powerful thinker. If you need help thinking about something you need to happen, you can contact me at: christine.pastrak@powerfulthinker.ca . Anyway, this was marvelous news!

Now I'm lost in my music. You have to force yourself to do that when you've been running for 2hrs. It helps you forget about the fact that every toe on both feet have blisters on them from soaked socks. It's funny, too... I put my iPod on shuffle, but somehow, everytime I had a challenge in front of me (a hill, a boring stretch, just sheer tiredness), the perfect song came on to keep me going. Someone more powerful than me must have possessed my iPod today!

26K (touch).... 4 to go... but also Heart Attack Hill (i.e. Valley Inn Road). Hey God. What's going on? Sorry I bailed on you this week... I think you understand. So anyway... there's this big hill in front of me, and it would be really cool if you could keep my heart beating and my legs attached until I get to the top (beyond would be nice too). Cool? Thanks. I'll put extra in the collection next week, promise. Amen.

I'M ALIVE!

Ok, so less than 4k to go!

Wanna know what's really boring? York Blvd! The whole race, there were people on the side cheering us on. Get to York after that ridiculous hill... NOBODY! Also, can I tell you that it's the last 3k or so that are the HARDEST in a race of this sort?! Yeah, I could'a used at least ONE sign and/or cow bell (why be picky when you're about to die, right).

La la la.... 28k (touch)!! Just don't stop Christine! You know that scene in Finding Nemo when Dorey bumps into Marlin and she begins to lead him to where she "thinks" she saw the boat with Nemo on it go? She says "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, la la la". My last 2k mantra = "just keep running, just keep running" (no "la la la", I wasn't as happy as Dorey by this point, haha). But again, it worked! I didn't stop!

And I'm pretty proud I didn't end up rolling down the loading dock ramp, too (trust me, I've seen it happen!)

And I cross the finish line and someone tells me to "slow down" (I didn't think I was still moving because I really couldn't feel anything, haha). I DID IT! I FINISHED! ALIVE! ALL OF ME ATTACHED! I have never appreciated this fact more!

I was aiming for at time of 3hrs and 15mins, but the clock said 3hrs 30mins when I looked as I crossed. I think I'm ok with that. Many factors could have played a role: climate (damp and soggy), the rain, my shoe came untied, people in my way, hold ups at water stations. I'm just proud I did it.

And then I had chocolate milk! Not gonna lie... I reminded myself I had one waiting for me at the end throughout the race. I've already told you, it's the little things with me, people!

My stretching was orgasmic, no lie.

Anyway, this post doesn't encompass everything I saw and experienced today, and if anything comes to me, I'll update it.

All I know is I stink and need a nap!

Rehab Tape, La Muzique, My New Philosophy, Love @ First Brew, and Faries

So I currently have the longest lasting shin splints I've ever experienced, and it's really making me very stressed out. My race is in 4 days, and if this pain does not at least decrease a bit, I'll be done... NOT COOL! So I was talking with a teacher who's class I am EAing in at placement, and she told me about "rehab tape" (you wrap it around your legs [or whatever you're rehabbing... people use it for all sorts of injries [she was in a car accident and used it for various injuries pertaining to that] and apparently you feel nothing...sweeeeet!). So my one and only goal between now and, like, tomorrow, IS TO FIND REHAB TAPE! Apparently it works wonders (and several youtube videos affirm the claim), and I have not just trained for 3 MONTHS, INJURY-FREE, to get shin splints 1 WEEK before my race! Seriously shins... don't mess with me!



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I am obsessed with several songs at the moment:



1.) Sanvean - Sarah Brightman = here is an insturmental version of the piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vb5SoEqxKU&feature=related . She opened November's concert with this.... it's SO beautiful. If you can listen to it as loud as you can, DO IT! it's so powerful and moving. There is a version with vocals, and even though Sarah is the ultimate voice to me, I like the naked, unvocaled version a bit more. So enjoy this... loudly :)



2.) Orinoco Flow - Various Artists = the composing artist to this song is Enya, and her version is good. But I recently downloaded a version by a choir named "Libra", and I like it more ("more" = listening to it on repeat allllllllllll the way to placement, and then alllllllllll they way home again)



3.) Feeling Good - Muse = because despite the shins, I totally am. And Muse rocks this typically swinging tune. And I love Matthew Bellamy.



4.) Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie = yeah, it has a sweet video attached to it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY&feature=channel_page).



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"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours....."



This is my new philosophy.



(And he's a jerk)



On that note.....



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......



One of my teachers at placement told me today his friend is "smitten" for me...



(Ohhhh,thisisawkward!)



Teacher and his friend (from England..... and who doesn't love an accent?) were at the Bulldogs game last night, saw me bartending, and Mr. England now loves me. He was supposed to send in some delicious UK food for Teacher to bring in for me (oooooohhhhh deaarrrrr), but Teacher forgot (which I'm happy about, because what if there were English drugs in there, and then I'd be knocked unconscious, put on a plane, wake up in England, and live under grey skies forever). It's flattering, no doubt about it. And it came at the perfect moment (see above philosophy for hint), but, unless your name is William and you live in a castle.... do I need to finish? Plus, Mr. England is in his 40's-ish. M'sorry Sur......



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And finally.....


Krystal told me about a super cool race in the summer called "A Midsummer's Night Race". You get to dress up like a fairy and run the race... at night in the dark. HOW COOL IS THAT?! Since I'm pretty set on running this race, only thing is it's a summer race, and summer running and I tend to not get along all that great (I quickly over-heat and become intolerant of most everything.... and it's not pleasant). I'm willing to try it for the sake of fairy costume'age though!

It's Not JUST Joking Around.

http://jodeeblanco.com/media_vid6.htm

Today I was very lucky to be able to attend a special event at Mohawk.

The speaker was Jodee Blanco, and her story was extremely heartbreaking, extremely honest, and extremely inspiring.

Jodee was the victim of horrid bullying for the course of her entire elementary and high school career. During that time, she had snow forced down her throat to the point of losing oxygen, and was told multiple times that she was "God's biggest mistake" and that it was too bad she wasn't miscarried or aborted. An animal lover, when she refused to disect the fetal pig the rest of her grade 8 class was, she had one thrown at her face, some of which penetrated her mouth. When she stood up for a Down Syndrome peer of hers, who was having dirt thrown into his eyes, later that day Jodee's locker had old lunch meat and garbaged smeared on the inside of her locker with a note reading: "Everybody hates you... go to another school!". While waiting for her mother to pick her up from school one afternoon (her parents forbade her to ride the school bus anymore... she would come home with too many glue balls in her hair from the "elite tormentors" at the back of the bus), she was pushed to the ground and had her face cut with cement. And I am barely scratching the surface with what this woman experienced so early in her life...

I cried the entire time this woman was telling her story. I could not imagine experiencing such disgusting acts of violence and hatred so early in life. I wanted, so desperately, to believe this was all just for show... she was just to make a point. It wasn't at all for show. Her tears were real, and this really did happen to her. I felt so sick to my stomach that such cruelty exists in this world, and that it continues to exist in such abunance.

Jodee spoke of the immense pain the victims of peer abuse experience in such raw and honest terms that I wanted to apologize to her for anything and everything she went through, even though I had nothing to do with her life. She spoke of the victims of bullying in such cases as Columbine, and most recently the events in Germany. Yes, very sad what happened to the victims who were shot, no one denies this. But what about the gunnmen? What in their life brought them to such a point that they hated life so bad that they wanted both themselves and their tormentors to not exist anymore? If there was a person, a friend, a loving adult, ANYONE who could have shown these hurting youth that they were seen, that they were somebody, that they mattered, could it have been avoided? I believe this to be true.

So many young people have ended their lives far too early due to the scars inflicted upon them from peer abuse. When I got home from school today, I went on youtube (as I often do when I want to learn more or am inspired about a particlar topic) to search bullying. What came up were an endless amount of videos dedicated in the memory of those children and teens who had taken their own life because of bullying. I cried uncontrollably. To make any indivdual, let alone a child or teenager, feel so inadequate in their existance is, to me, the most dispicable thing anyone can do to any human being.

What's interesting is that, several times during her talk, Jodee admitted that her tormentor's honestly felt like they were "just joking around". But when a person goes home crying, everyday, with glue-covered spit balls in her hair, and with scars on her face from cement being slashed across it, it's not JUST joking around. It is real. And it can be lethal.

It impacts the lives of the victims forever.

What is the most dispicable is when these victims come to believe these lies.

When they come to see themselves as nothings and nobody's along with their tormentors.

It shatters my heart.

(I encourage you to take a look at the link posted at the beginning of this blog. It is just one clip from her amazing talk I heard today).

Christine and Christina are NOT interchangable names.... So get it right!

Oh hello, and what is your name?


Christine *smiles*


Hi Chrstina, it's nice to meet you.


N-no.. it's Christine.


Christy?


ChristiNE.


Oh, Chrstina.... ok got it.


*SIGH*


And so goes the introduction of myself for the past forever.


Now, I know I have volume issues when speaking (I'm constantly being told to "speak up", or "we can't hear her in the back row!" at school). Whatever... there is a CLEAR distinction between "ChristinE" and "ChristinA". And it's not just once in a while.... IT'S EVERY TIME I INTRODUCE MYSELF TO SOMEONE!


It's not that I have anything against the name Christina. It's a pretty name, and I know lots of beautiful people, both inside and out, named Christina.


BUT IT'S NOT MY NAME!


Normally I make a fuss about it when someone calls me the other vowel'd version of Chrstin(_). My favourite was replacing vowels in their name.....


Hey Christina!


Hey Den! (read: Dan). [or other name].



They'd look at me... uhhh... What's with Christina today?



I don't know, let's find one and ask her.



For a while I felt like constantly wearing a shirt that said "Hello! My name is Christine... NOT Christina. If you call me Christina, don't expect me to answer you".



But then people began thinking I was a bitch. So I stopped.



Then I just gave into answering to Christina. Although my blood curdled a little every time I did. I'd first answer to the "a" vowel, but try to correct when I was within a vocal proximity that would not inhibit my lack of volume. That worked for a while.



But the saga continues still. I was in for a hair appointment this afternoon, with a person I see EVERY time I go to get my hair done. "Christina? I'm ready". LISTEN LADY! You KNOW me! WHAT GIVES??


Anyway, I have decided on this: I am just going to answer to the name Christina whenever someone calls me this. Maybe it could be fun to have two identities, who knows! And if I somehow manage to Eff things up for somebody along the way... I can blame my alter-ego. Oh, no officer! Look at my dirvers liscence.. my name is ChristiNE *smiles*.


Yes, I see this working.



(today's blog has been written for Justin, who needed something to read at work)

The Longer the Race, The Slower the Pace...

I started running for seriousness just over a year ago. I just kind of fell into it, too. It turned out that my yoga instructor of three years suddenly just wasn't coming back that January, and I needed to be doing something, or else... this worrisome mind of mine would hae sent me directly to the straight jacket! So I visually rummaged the wall at the Dofasco Rec Centre to see what was available. I'm not going to lie... I desperately wanted to do ballroom dancing lessons... after all that figure skating, ice dance in particlar, I think I'd be good at it. Only I had visions of me being the only un-partnered person there and let it pass (although, this is very much still on my "to do" list!). Scan, scan, scan the wall... Green papers, yellow papers, lots of white papers... But there's a blue one. What's it for? Running. Hmmm.... I have enjoyed running in the past... oh why not. Picking up that flyer would change life for me.

So I started with a walk/run clinic with a bunch of middle-aged Dofasco employees that January (2008). I felt pretty good... being the youngest in the pack and all (you know, there's something to said for a false sense of superiority... at least in the short-term ;).

Running for seriousness got into my blood pretty quickly. I found myself achieving pretty big gains in distance pretty fast, and feeling so awesome after a challenging experience. It was the best release I had found so far... Yoga was and remains to be awesome for stress relief for me. But running provides something more. The relase of sweat-filled endorphins, and feel-good dopamine, not to mention a change of scenery and the ability to measure what my body can physically do... Nothing else I had tried could give me these things.

I ran my first race in February of 2008. It was a small 200 person 8k fundraiser race in Westdale in Hamilton. My goal was to finish.... at the time 8k was a fair distance for me. Not so suprisingly, I did finish, and in decent standing. I was 3rd in my genderd age category (I won't tell you there were only a handful in this age bracket... it would only damage my credibility). I was so proud of myself that day, and it would serve as an inspiration to keep with it.

So I ran a few 5k races after that, one of which included the Around the Bay Road Race 5k section. Then I decided it was time to up the anti... I had decided to sign up to train for the full 30k Around the Bay.

"Christine, don't be ridiculous. That's a crazy distance".

Watch me. (Dear reader, if there's anything you should know about me at this point in this note, it's that NO ONE tells me what I am and am not capable of. And, I am quite the stubbournly determined scorpio).

The race is in less than 2 weeks, and I have managed to complete up to 28k in my training (heh hem... take that you faithless in the name of Christine!). It is one of my most biggest phsysical challenges (the other is for another blog). AND I'M SUUUUUUUPER PUMPED! Like, extremely excited! I plan to enjoy every second of this race! I plan to take in everything going on around me! I plan to not stop (if possible... depending on whether I am able to figure out my water bottle or not.... It's a complicated situation which maaaaay require the unscrewing of the top and subsequent spillage, thereby forcing me to stop and screw it back on for the sake of remaining dry), and just do the best I am able to do in the moment(s).

I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished.

And this was a bit self-indulgent.

Plain and Simple

I am not a person of uber extravagance.
I don't need expensive gadgets to make me happy.
I don't require over the top nights out to stimulate me or make me feel like a worthy individual.
I don't think you need to spend money to have a good time, nor to make another person happy.
My stimulus threshold isn't high enough to tolerate much of that...

Don't get me wrong... once in a while, all of the above can be a lot of fun. In the short-term. What is left of these things the next morning? or when the new electronics are marketed 6 months after your "new"(now old) gadgets were purchased? And money is dirty... really, lots of germs of that stuff (ewwwww)

I like small things.
Simple things.
Things that, in their ordinary state, take your breath away.

Like on Saturday morning...
I was just starting my longest run ever. My group makes it's way from the Runner's Den in Westdale up to York Blvd, and then we run down York Blvd until it turns into Plains Rd.
But running along York Blvd. is one of the best views... There is Hamilton Harbour and across the way is the Skyway Bridge.
(Anyone who reads this and knows Hamilton is likely going to add: "And smokey, gross steel factories, Christine!". Well, yeah... but without those smokey, gross steel factories, Hamilton would be nothing. But I digress...).
But the way the sun light was being cast out of the sky that morning, the sparkle on the newly thawed water, the smell of pre-spring air... it just filled me with such a renewal of life after this long winter. My run was amazing that morning.

In my field of soon to be work (Educational Assisting), I am lucky to experience such wonderful things on a very regular basis.
I am currently completing my 4th placement at an inner-city high school where all of the 322 students have been identified as having some kind of exceptionality (e.g. learning disabled, mild intellectual delay, autism, tourettes... the list goes on). I'm not supposed to have favourites, but I totally do... it's inevitable.
Anyway, one classroom possesses some of the schools most spectacular students.
They can barely read or write or complete even the most simply math calculations.
But they inspire me.
They never give up.
They have so many strikes against them, yet they continue to persevere.
For themselves.
For their futures.

These students totally put life into perspective for me.
Many of them have so little to their name, yet they get up every morning, come to school, work so hard on everything handed to them, and still manage to smile through it all.
And it is little things that make a difference in their lives too.

For instance, this class runs a breakfast program every day.
Four students every week are titled "Kitchen Staff", and they are responsible for setting the table, taking orders, and making the breakfast.
Sometimes it is simply bagels, muffins, and cereal to gobble up.
BUT! when there's pancakes?! Oh.My.Gawd. Why don't you just say "Here's a Million Dollars!".
It's just eggs, flour and butter, but to these students it's as if they are made of gold (I think syrup may play a role in this happiness, too, but I haven't conducted enough research).

Last week we were told pancakes were what was going to be made, but *GAAASP!!!* there were no eggs!
This was ok with some students.
Not with others.
One in particular.
He was having pancakes, no if's, and's, it's or but's about it!
But there were no eggs.

Now, I like to call this one of my more "brilliant" moments at placement.
We had "Brown Sugar Oatmeal" in the cupboard.
Student was relentless in his pancake pursuit.
I said: "We cannot make pancakes today, and that makes a lot of us unhappy and disappointed, huh? Well how about this? Would you like to have some syrup on your oatmeal today? Oatmeal is hot like pancakes, and I was wondering what it would taste like with syrup on it".

WELL! The smile on Student's face at the mere mention of syrup was not even measurable!
Syrup is all it took.


I wish society could stop all it's materialistic ways.
I wish we could appreicate life and what we have in it for what they naturally represent.
I wish society didn't require such big (yet empty) things to "fulfill" them.

Because really,
syrup is yummy.