For Every Thing There is a Season

"It strikes! one, two, three, four, five, six. Enough, enough, dear watch, Thy pulse hath beat enough. Now sleep and rest; Would thou could'st make the time to do so too; I'll wind thee up no more." - Ben Jonson


I absolutely love autumn. It is my most favourite of all the seasons. I love the fresher, crisp air. I love the smell. I love to just stare out at the beautiful coloured trees from look outs anywhere I can find them. I love that I get to wear hats and scarves, and cozy clothes. I love to share hot beverages with friends and talk and talk until we've exhausted all topics (that doesn't really happen with me, though). I love running in autumn. I love having my birthday in autumn. I love the fresh new start to a school year, full of possibilities and endless opportunities. I love watching CFL football on Sundays in autumn, and being up north for Thanksgiving. I love Halloween. I love everything about autumn.

So why am I having such a hard time accepting the end of summer? Maybe because it fleeted me so ridiculously fast this year. Maybe because I wish it were longer. Maybe because I love the kids who come to camp so infinitely. Maybe because, even though I was exhausted for 80% of it, I still really, really enjoyed everything I got to do, from coffee talks, to trips to Marine Land, to hikes, to sleep outs at camp, to running training, to just reading a book in peace. I loved the longer days too.... I could get home from work, shower and clean up, and be out for 7 with at least 2hours of day light to spare, to enjoy and play with. I like an early sunrise and the bird songs, as the robins that live in our front tree (and subsequently poop on my car) busied themselves with finding breakfast and flutter around. I really liked that I got to go to work outside at camp, to enjoy the sunshine and do awesome things like canoeing, archery, and swimming with the BEST kids I could ever hope to know. Even though I didn't think I was enjoying camp as much this year, based on what I'm feeling now, and my level of unsettledness in it, I did enjoyed it very much. In retrospect, what I didn't like was the heat.

But it's something in and of the changing of seasons that always promotes mixed feelings within me. I do definitely love the promise of a new beginning with the dawn of a new season. I love to dream about all the wonderful things that a new season will bring. I love to make my "to do" list at the start of every new season, and I love to check items off the list as I accomplish them as time progresses. By the same token, I am no good with letting go or saying goodbye. Especially if I am enjoying something very much. Although I really did not like the heat of summer (which was especially heated this year!), I loved everything I got to experience over the last two months. I got to spend it with amazing people, both big and small, and I got to do things I hadn't done in years. There are parts of this summer I probably will not recall in a couple weeks, and maybe I am not even remembering some parts of it as I write this now. But those things which I do remember I remember because of their impact on my being. I remember them because I either learned something, I had a ton of fun, I got to experience something new, or I got to share in an amazing moment for someone else I was with. And because of all of these things, I have come to love and cherish the memories I have of them now.

When I love something, I love it quite deeply. I don't even try at this, it is a naturally occurring Christine Pastrak phenomenon (what can I say, I'm a Scorpio ;). So when I say I have loved everything I got to do and people I got to do it with, I mean it in the truest sense. And this is lovely and all, but it does leave me in quite the predicament when I have to say goodbye to it all. To me, it feels like breaking up with someone you love. Because I come to love these things so much, when the season changes and I have to say goodbye to the season that brought me so many wonderful things, I feel sad. Like I've been abandoned in a way. Which is silly when you think about it. It's not like that is the end of all wonderful things to ever happen to me. You can see from my list of reasons why I love autumn so much that wonderfulness is inescapable. But I still feel uneasy about it.

Camp ends at 4pm each and every day in the summer. Kids and counsellors board their respective buses and it drives them to their stop and they go home. This scenario occurs every day, Monday to Friday for 9 weeks in the summer. A lot of the time, depending on the kind of day had, the bus ride home can be the best part of the day. But on the last day of camp, it's quite somber. Because it isn't going to come back to camp the next day, or even after the weekend. It's going to rest up for the first day of school 4 days later. The kids on the bus, on the last day of camp, are always especially good at following the bus rules (i.e. staying in their seats, looking forward, bags out of the aisle, no drinking or eating, etc).... that's when you know you've done a good job being a "meanie" all summer. The bus drops you off, you say thank you to the driver, and camp is officially over for another year. Just like that.

It was strange to live this Sunday today. I did the usual things, like go to the gym for my Total Body Tone class (I'm in love with it!), came home and made eggs, toast, and coffee for breakfast. I did some laundry and read my book. I met a friend for coffee and enjoyed listening to her goings on and sharing mine with her. This is a typical summer Sunday for me. Minus one thing... I did not have to complete a phone call home to the home of the camper I would be working with for the coming week. I usually hate this part of the job, actually. I'm terrible on the phone, and anyone who's talked to me on the phone can vouch for this! On the phone, I'm the worst interrupter, and renown for awkward silences and babbling on just to fill the void (NOTE: it's because I can't see you. I am fairly dependent on reading body language, facial expressions, and gestures for cues on when to speak, and these are not visible through phone conversations. If you can deal with this aspect of my being, I think you're awesome). For my camp job, though, it's a critical part of my week. I need to talk to my campers' parents in order to determine several things, like how accurate is the child's profile compared (which could have been composed some time ago) to where they are today, what strategies are best to calm them down during anxious moments, or what medical needs need to be taken care of during their week at camp. Even though it's important, I hate doing it all summer long, due to my "phone disability". But today... I would have given anything to be able to make one of these calls. It would have meant I could work and hang out with yet another Out-Of-This-World kid, who makes my life so fulfilling.

I know that once I get back into the routine of normal work and school year goings on I will be just fine. It will be nice to be able to not have to shower immediately upon my arrival at home each day, and to be able to wear makeup without it melting off before I even arrive at work each day. I know this school year is going to bring me so many awesome things, new kids, new challenges, new opportunities, and new friends. I am going to be able to revisit schools I already have relationships at, like Parkview, Glenwood, R. L. Hyslop, and Sherwood, and it will be fantastic to hear about the summers of the people I know there. I get to be a part of Walk a Mile for Reach for the Rainbow (ask me how you can sponsor me!!) I'm going to get to run the half-marathon for Road 2 Hope on November 7th (come cheer for me!), and I'm going to relish every second of training for it (truly, I race so that I can train, which is where I feel the most satisfaction in running). Maybe I'm going to get to enjoy Halloween for the first time in several years because I won't be running a marathon the next morning. I'm going to have Thanksgiving in Muskoka, and a birthday, CFL playoffs to watch, and the start of hockey season. Great things are coming, that is absolutely for sure.

Saying goodbye to one era is still a challenge for me, but it always has been and I presume it always will be. It's who I am. And who I am, I very much like. I guess, in the end, I am lucky to feel so strongly about the things I do in life, because it means I get everything I can out of them. I don't let the things I love slip away so easily. I don't just skim the surface, I dive deeper for a greater appreciation. I like that I do this, even if it can be hard.

At the bottom of this blog, you will find a movie I made. It is of the various kids that crossed my path as a 1:1 counsellor this summer. It is only a rough draft at this point, because I made it before I had all my pictures transferred from my camera to my laptop. I still love it very much though, and I hope it puts a smile on your face, too. If nothing else, I hope you come to notice how lucky I am to have met and worked with these kids.

I am going to take the next week off. Labour Day doesn't count as one of the days, it's a statutory holiday, so really I'm taking 4 days off. I definitely need this... I've just completed an entire year of work with no vacation whatsoever. "But Christine, no Christmas break? No March break?" Nope. Because I have several jobs, what is "break time" for most people hasn't been the same for me... For a couple years now I have worked over Christmas and March breaks for the Y because I'd get to work with kids from camp. So even during Christmas break, the last couple years I've only really had a couple days off. I'm not going to do this to myself anymore. I don't think it's anything to boast about in telling people I just worked 52 weeks in a row without a proper rest that wasn't a weekend (even long weekends do not count). I cannot be any good to anyone if I do not take care of myself first, so I'm taking the next several days off of work completely. I'm sure I'll be going stir crazy over this by noon on Wednesday, just because I'm a doer. I cannot sit idle (hence the workaholic status ;). I think it would be good for me though. So here I go! I need to take a trip this year. A real, big girl trip, something I haven't done yet. I should get my passport first!

I appreciate you reading this. You must be really bored to make it to the end. Thanks for humouring me, you're great.

"But if summer doesn't end, Christine, you can't have things like Halloween, Christmas, and snow days. Summer has to end so that we can build snow forts, ok?"
-Cameron, age 7

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