I have neglected this blog for several months. Not that I was writing anything of interest to my zero readers. So maybe I was neglecting it all summer long. Anyhow, here I be.
It's December 29th, 2011. I'm sitting on the cusp of a brand new year, with new hopes, new opportunities, new everything.
And knowing all this, I find it difficult to not think about the past year and reflect on how my last twelve months of living have shaped me to the person I am at the end of it all. I do believe I have changed a bit this year.
Stressful is one word that effectively describes my 2011. But so does wonderful. It's like.... you know how sometimes you think you just can't keep up with the world, and you just say fuck it, I'm doing it my way and that's it. And then, all of a sudden, things just fall into place. That was my year. And I am a better individual for every single thing, big-medium-and small, that happened to me in 2011. Thank goodness for you.
I applied to two Faculties of Education in the fall of 2010, those being York and Brock Universities. I'll take "Things That Started the Stress" for $1,000. Waiting for those results proved to be the longest 4 months of my life. Not to mention the York interview which, in the end, I was thankfully successful with. I was accepted to both programs on precisely April 1st, promptly accepting Brock as my first choice. And I know I should have been really happy about that at the time, but I was actually so indifferent that I had no flighty reaction to the letter, no butterflies in my tummy for excitement, no anything really. I got in, I expected to get in, and I wasn't surprised. It was just supposed to happen and it did.
What WASN'T supposed to happen was being placed in the Grand Erie cohort. THAT made me feel A LOT. Actually, it induced the worst recorded episode of anxiety in Christine Pastrak history. And it turned out to be the BEST thing that could have happened to me in my year. Because following all of that, I have never found myself more happy, more confident, more sure of myself than I do now.
I was successful in obtaining the Helping Hands Site Director position for the summer, and it was a wonderful learning experience for me. What volumes it says about me in my abilities to work with children with special needs, and to coordinate a team of 13 staff members to work with these amazing kids at each of the 5 camp locations. It wasn't easy, though, and I even though I LOVE the kids to infinity and beyond, and even though I had a brilliant staff team to work with the kids, and an amazing supervisor to guide me along the way, I don't think I did my best work this summer. I did well, but I didn't do my best, and so found myself frustrated with me just knowing what I am capable of and what I was actually giving. Still, I learned so much, mostly from the kids who came to be with us for each of the 9 weeks. I am so much better because of my job this summer.
I have never run faster or been as strong as I have been in 2011. I have seen my body steadily transform from something of fragility to something of substance over the last 5 years. And although there hasn't been a single easy moment about any of it, I cannot believe how strong I have become and how much I am in love with it. I achieved a 2hr 55min 30k Around the Bay this year, cut 41minutes off my 2009 marathon time, and got my 5k speed down to 22minutes. I started weight training, spinning, and working out 5 days a week. The human body is a brilliant tool.
I learned a little bit more about love this year too. To not trust so easily, and that everything happens for some reason we usually don't know or understand until weeks or months later. After all that was said and done, I am really glad for all of it. It was fun, playful, interesting, sexy, and frustrating at the end. It changed me though, in a good way. Experience ending in good change is never wasted. So, even though it's over, I say thanks. Moving on....
Back to school. September was nothing short of awful. I thought of dropping out of Brock about 3 times. All I could think about was how I should have been working at Parkview helping those students, who I've devoted the last two years to and loved every moment of, how I everyone around me just seemed so much better than me, and how I just didn't want to be there in general. September rolled along, October came and went. November. CLICK! Actually, that might be a bit misleading, because I actually began feeling at home as of mid October. All of a sudden, things seemed brighter and so natural to me. I walked into my classroom each day with so much confidence. I started seeing more immediate reflections of my performance during my teaching block and falling in love with 20 of the most amazing 7-yr old's I have ever met. One month isn't very long, and saying goodbye is quite possibly the hardest and saddest thing to do. And I know that my next block is going to be amazing as well. But there's something so special about that first class. How much you love them and they love you. Where you find out what you're really capable of, and how influential you can really be on the life of even ONE student. It's a very loaded position, and I understand the weight it carries. But I know for sure there is nothing I would like to do more. I am in love with this.
2012 is going to be a big year. I'll be traveling to South Africa in April, graduating teachers college, (HOPEFULLY) finding a job in education, and who knows what else. I am running another marathon on my birthday in Richmond, Virginia. I expect only the best from myself, and the best is what I will give. A year is a long time, but so short when looking backwards. I wonder what I'll be writing about on December 29th 2012?
Happy New Year all. Thank you life for this year.
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